Date a guy who...

Now I'm in a stage where  50% of my friends are married and another 50% are medical students like me (by that, I mean 'not married...yet'). hehe. Since I'm engaged and getting married soon and still unsure to let go my happy single life, so I asked my married friends for some marriage tips. After asking a few of them I know they are not the right person to ask for tips since they are still in the honeymoon phase when everything is still rainbow and butterfly. No offence, my married friends.

Luckily, I have a friend who got really matang after she got married (I define matang selepas kahwin as you don't do so much PDA and screenshot of every single message from your husband or wife and post them on social network. I mean, other than you become a better person). So, this is what my friend told me,

"People said, date a guy who travels or date a guy who reads but you know what, Nabilah, marry a guy who keeps his promises."

I don't know how this can be a marriage advice but I couldn't agree more. I have my own personal experience. A guy stood me up for 3 hours and late for our lunch date for a few times and the next thing I know he cheated on me with another girl and of course he's my ex now.

If a guy can't keep his words even for a simple thing like showing up on time for a date, how on earth he will be able to keep his biggest promise of 'aku terima nikahnya....' on the day he marries you and be your Imam for the rest of his life? Just saying...

When a real man makes a promise, he keeps it.

Well, this is just my two cents on Sunday morning.

Have a good day, people.

Antidepressant

I have been thinking of shutting down this blog since my life now is not so tragic anymore and it is more like a routine now. Yeah, it is kinda depressing when we think our life as a routine. I wake up every morning, Subuh, go to hospital or clinic from 8 or 9 (if I'm lucky)  until 5 or 6 p.m and go home to eat, study, sleep and whatnot. No wonder people say medic is a lifestyle. 

Some of my friends think my life only revolves between travelling and nice cafes. They obviously have no idea about the part of my life that revolves between grumpy patients, cranky doctors ,competitive colleagues and exams. Never underestimate other people's hardship just because they look happy on Instagram. There are thousands of trees in a forest but no two leaves are alike and no journeys along the same path are alike. We all have our own hardships but some people decide to be positive and look happy in front of other people. 

Well, I think life is hectic. No, life is hard but passion and patience will get me through it. At least, that is how I want to think whenever life gives me so many lemons. 

Anyway, I was planning to go to Copenhagen from Edinburgh but something has stopped me from going there. Maybe not this time (pujuk diri sendiri T__T ) I ended up going somewhere else that brought me closer to nature instead of magnificent buildings, cultures, food and people. Beach, cliff, rocks are my kind of antidepressant pills for now.

My no-filter photos :

This was after spending 5 minutes on top of the cliff and looking down at the sea below. I'm a person who can pass out because of the height. So 5 minutes on cliff is a big deal for me and please don't ever ask me if want to do skydiving or bungee jumping in New Zealand. Never! You can leave me alone in Papua New Guinea, I won't pass out but height? No way. 

Have a good day people and don't stress!

Creepy

Kids. Those small creatures. They are cute until they say something creepy that reminds you of Chucky. Don't get me wrong I love kids but lately for unknown reasons, I keep getting  'creepy'  paeds cases that I had never imagined before. For patient confidentiality purpose, I would not share the cases here but there is one particular case that keeps me awake until 1-2 a.m these past few nights (because I have to write a clinical report on this -.-').

"Emily (patient's imaginary friend) is sitting right next to you, doctor. She says, she likes you."

"Doc, you hands are sooo small, I want to eat them and let you bleed out and die. hahaha"

Tell me, how would you react to these?

On happier notes, 

"My name is C. I know your name! Your name is doctor. The other lady there, her name is doctor too."

Apparently, 'doctor' is our first name.

Kids.

A random post about travelling alone and I'm not on holiday now.

When people ask why do I love to travel, I will say  I get 'high' whenever I'm in a foreign city with a map in my hands and the only people I know there is myself (no, I don't do drugs not even when I was in Amsterdam. God, no. The weeds brownies looked so tempting, though) I don't know about other people but for me, travelling makes me feel like 'hey, I'm living my life!' and of course it gives me life lessons.

Last spring, I went to Budapest alone and you know, you have one of those days when you are 'stupider' than other days, no? So, 'one of those days' was the day when I was in Budapest. I lost my map and I could not find my way back to the hotel after I went to see the Chain Bridge ( the bridge that connects Buda and Pest and, surprise,surprise they named the city as Budapest). After asking a few people who refused to speak in English, I decided to sit at one corner in a gift shop and cried. -.-' Then, a homeless guy came to me, "Why are you crying, little lady?" He spoke in English better than anyone else in Budapest that time, I swear to God!! It was so irony because my friends keep warning me to be very careful with the homeless people and gypsy group there but one of them actually directed me to my hotel. So, the life's lesson from this, whenever you are lost, pick a corner and cry. No, I'm kidding. Don't cry! It shows that you are weak and you are inviting bad people. I was just so lucky that time . The second lesson is, like our grandmothers always say, don't judge a book by its cover. Sometimes, 'the help' comes from the unexpected sources. You just need to keep asking.



Anyway, right now, I'm still at the same hotel as last week for my GP rotation but in a different room. They give me a honeymoon suite this time. My medschool always knows how to make me feel like a loser. A honeymoon suite for a single lady? This is just so sad, man. I'm not here for holiday like some people on my instagram  think. I'm at the clinic from 9-5 everyday learning my bum off to be a friendly doctor (which i'm not. Yet). When I was in Kilkenny for my Obs and Gynae rotation, my mom called me when my brother showed her my instagram photo of my room in Kilkenny. She thought that I went to travel alone again to some random towns in France. You need to take the chill pills, mom.

My room for this week.

Gosh, this looks so..i don't know..lonely?

This was in Kilkenny for my OnG rotation. Cute and very homey. 

In Kilkenny too. 

Oh well, have a good Monday, guys. As for me, Monday means baby vaccinations. Dear babies, please don't cry. Life, as you grow up, is more painful than your vaccines injections.

A small village

After 7 weeks of Obs and Gynae rotation ,(and I love it so much) now I'm in my 5th week of GP rotation. Man, time flies so fast! I have so much fun in both of my rotations so far. In Obs and Gynae, everyone is always rushing and so busy like no one takes the chill pills. For GP you can sit down and organize you thought because it involves more patient-doctor relationship, explore patients' emotions and oh Lord, you encounter ethical dilemma for almost everyday. For me GP rotation is not too bad actually especially when I have the best GP tutor ever! He deserves another entry, another day. haha. However, I'm still very much in love with Obs and Gynae even my GP tutor notices that I look so happy everytime I see pregnant patients in practice (or clinic or whatever you call it).

Well, now I'm in a small village in county Wicklow for my rural GP attachment and thank God they give me a nice hotel room to stay because being away from Malaysia is hard enough, now I have to be away from Dublin for 2 weeks alone and a crappy room is the last thing I want. Call me mengada or anything. At this point, I don't mind dah. 

backpack harus matching dengan seluar

While I'm writing this, I'm actually watching Friends at 2.48 a.m. Oh my life.

p.s : I heard about only-female-doctors-are-allowed-in-labour-room petition that people sent to KKM. For me, whoever sent the petition, they are insulting all doctors especially obstetricians and gynaecologist. Frankly, it is a stupid petition. Yes, as a patient, you have the autonomy right to choose your doctor but to what extent you want to risk your life and your innocent baby just because you don't want a male doctor to examine you? 

Perfect

I have a funny story, well, not that funny that you can laugh hahaha! but ah you know. So, one day my friend randomly told me that she would love to trade her life with my life. I found it funny because she thought my life was so much better than hers (obviously she has not seen me walking absentmindedly in the hospital yet) and I thought her life was perfect. We laugh after telling each other how imperfect our lives are. I told her how I cry every morning to get out of my bed and how I feel stupid everyday when I don't know how to answer simple questions from consultants. She told me how she has to fight with her French neighbour everyday and how tiring it is to always look fashionable everyday ( she works in fashion industry which I thought the happiest job ever!)

How we perceive perfection is sometimes different from what other people would perceive. We don't have an answer scheme how a perfect person or life should be. This makes most of us try so hard to achieve our own version of 'perfection' and up to one point we would end up at the other end of spectrum, 'out of norm'. We become so obsessed with other people's perfect life and start comparing with our lives. As cliche as it sounds, life is not perfect and you can't expect people to be perfect for you. We should stop chasing a perfect life but try to see the beauty of imperfections. Allah is so merciful, you might be lack of certain things but He gives you more on other things.

Oh well, be grateful and have a nice weekend.

Sisters

"Nothing in this world will lasts forever, neither your pain, Aisyah. Alway be the bigger person. Always be the wiser person."

-Syamim-

Excuse my cracked lips. 

Happy birthday, babe! 

I'm still using your duvet here in Dublin, fyi. See, I love you that much.

"No matter how badly people treat you, never drop down to their level. Forgiveness is always the key to move on."

"Always, always, always be positive, Aisyah. Always!"

-Nadira-

Happy birthday, Nadira!

I'm a tea person now because of you.

When sorry is not good enough.

I still remember when I was 7 years old, I pushed my little brother from his bike. He fell and cried for 10 years. I mean he cried for a quite long time. My mom asked me to say sorry to him. I did say sorry but I didn't mean it at all. He deserved it because he took my  favourite story book and put it in the toilet bowl.

As an adult, we can't just simply say sorry, you have to mean it. In hospital 'sorry' is not a good word. It can be 'Sorry you are dying and nothing we can do' or 'Sorry, this is going to be a bit painful but just bare with me for a second.'

I met a patient in antenatal ward ( ward for pregnant mothers) last two week. She looked so happy and excited. I asked her if I can examine her abdomen and as I expected she was more than willing to cooperate with me. 

"Can you feel my baby?"

"Yes. His back on your left side."

"Oh really?" 

"Are you excited?"

She smiled.

"My baby was diagnosed with Edward syndrome. I wish he can stay longer in my womb."

I stopped palpating her abdomen.

"I'm so sorry."

I blamed myself for not taking her history first. I should not just go and feel her distended abdomen just because i want to practise for my exam. 'I'm sorry' here might not be enough when you know half of babies with that condition do not survive beyond one week of life.



Sometimes, sorry is not good enough but you have to mean it.

Because you are my first hero

I was telling my brain,

"Ok, brain let's focus on this topic. One more topic then, you can rest. Let's just focus." 

Brain : potato, banana, walnut cake, what'd fox say, speculum examination, nasi ayam lalalalalalala

and... I ended up lying on my bed under my duvet browsing through my photo album in my phone. 

I found this picture.

My old man.

You are growing older everyday and I'm far away from you.

"Never trust anyone else more than you trust yourself. 

Never love anyone else more than you love yourself."

I will never love any men more than I love you.

I am always be your little girl and you are always be my first hero.

ok fine, en.wonderwall is my second hero. 

Now brain, let's sleep, shall we?

Brain : exam, exam, exam, exam.

sheeshhh.

It's all about sacrifice.

What more important than delicious food on aidiladha is 'sacrifice'. 

How we sacrifice our desire towards dunya for akhirah.

It is a battle. It is a struggle.

I'm still struggling to fight the 'desire'.  God, it's hard.

Clonskeagh Mosque, Dublin. 

I sacrificed ketupat and rendang for never ending lectures on assisted reproductive techniques today, anyway.  Thanks la, prof. -.-'

Beautiful doom.

Everyday while waiting for the bus, I pray silently that I'll get a nice consultant or registrar to shadow during ward round or antenatal care clinic.  A nice doctor who actually teaches me. It is not that I want to be spoon-fed or anything  but at least answer me if I ask them questions. Hello, I'm a medical student here, can you at least introduce me to the patient when they walk into your clinic and not letting me feel awkward and krikk krikkk at one corner in your clinic? Too much to ask? As far as I can remember in my medical ethics lectures, it is the doctor's job to do that,anyway. 

Luckily these past few days I was with this one registrar who really 'pushed' me to a level which I don't even know I can actually do that. 4 hours with him in his antenatal care clinic and 1 hour ward round were my best 5 hours as a medical student so far. I'm not exaggerating.

"Hi, my name is F, and this is S a student doctor here. She is the one who will be answering all your questions today. If you have any questions, do ask her."

Patients did ask me a whole lot of questions. They asked from A to Z about their condition. I was sweating like tuuuttt and Dr.F was just standing in one corner as if he's the student doctor now not me. Sometimes, he gave me signals if my answer was wrong by giving his you-are-so-gonna-fail-you-osce face expression especially when it's related to management.

The last patient was the most difficult one. She was so anxious about her unplanned pregnancy. She asked me if she can choose to do c-section instead of spontaneous vaginal delivery. I was krikkk krikkk for a few minutes and looked at Dr.F for help. He looked at me while giving his you-answer-that-young-lady-or-you-die face. Damn. 

Anyway, thanks Dr.F. You made me think that I actually love medicine. 

Well, not to keep you boring with my obs and gynae story, here are some pictures from one of my favourite place to walk alone in Dublin. Temple Bar.

rasa nak beli semua benda kat kedai ni. 

Burger bakar versi Ireland.heh.

have a nice weekend.

Noob

There are two types of people when it comes to gadget. First, those people who are so annoyingly obsessed with their own gadgets and need to tell the world what their gadgets can do and how it freaking controls their lives. Second, those people who don't really care whatever gadgets that samseng and rambutan company are selling now. I definitely one of those people in the second group. I don't even know about ios 7 until I accidentally updated it during a ward round. I know some people are complaining it takes them up to 4 hours to update it. Well, it only took one ward round for me.heh.

Recently I just got a new gear from my med school and being me I'm always a noob when it comes to technology. For some reasons getting a new laptop for free is not as excited as getting a new pair of shoes. Bimbo! Heeeee.

"I heard you guys get a Macbook air this year?"

"Oh yeah."

"Is it lion?"

" haaa? No it's a laptop."

and the doctor just walked away. Noob. No, I mean I'm the noob here. I just knew how lion and macbook are actually related. Noob nabilah noob!!!

Anyway, I'm in my obs and gynae rotation which is painfully busy. It is the busiest rotation evahh! I have to be in hospital from 8 or sometimes 7 a.m until 5 or sometimes 7 p.m. During the labour week some of us might need to stay from 7p.m to 7 a.m even on saturday, mind you. ( so kids, think again if you want to be a doctor or not. Tak payah cakap la pasal interns. Lagi teruk) It always makes me wonder why does God create so many diseases to us, women? -.-' From the start of pregnancy we have hyperemesis, heartburn,fatigue or even depression. Towards the end we have pre-eclampsia, gestational diabetes, preterm premature rupture of membrane to name a few. During labour we have other complications. Not to mention post partum diseases especially post partum haemorrhage. Don't even start about gynaecological problems. 

Well, I think we, women are the strongest creatures that God ever created. We should take pride in that,right, women?

Have a good Sunday everyone.

Well this is how my weekend so far,

Because as a noob one laptop is not enough. -.-' 

And oh I miss Malaysia. 

Transparent

Some kind of bacteria or common flu virus are having a campfire party inside my lungs now. Heck, it has been two weeks now. I'm not sure if it is a real sickness or it is just an emotion-related sickness since I had this before just a week before going back to Dublin last year...and a year before that too.

Once, I decided not to be too transparent in term of my feelings in my blog, you know, write about my sadness and hormonal talking etc. Today, I can't help it. People keep giving me false hopes and bad news. I don't know what to expect. I don't want to give myself negative vibes but I can feel it's gonna be a hard year for me. If and only if people can be more responsible and considerate and stop giving false hope to me...I would be such a happy kid in Dublin. Oh well, 'if' is such a cruel word there is.


The only thing that can make me at lease stop adding wrinkles on my forehead is getting a Macbook Air from my med school. A new gear.  We are a bunch of spoiled medical students. Oh well...


Allah, permudahkanlah.

I miss you, girlfriends!

"and this is how we fix the window..."

"I told you, I don't like K-pop!"

Back to harsh, cold reality in 2 days.

Please Dublin treat me nicely.

4th year, bring it on!

I'm not like you but I can pretend.

No, I can't pretend. 

1. 
   

   
   

   
   

A solo traveler.

I almost forgot about my experience travelling alone in Amsterdam, Budapest and Edinburgh until one of my cousins brought up the story. All my uncles and aunties asked me all sorts of questions. For them, I'm always a fragile girl and can't do anything on my own. -.-' I told them some of my friends had traveled around Europe and South Africa alone. What I did was just a pinch of  it and one day I want to travel to North America alone. Then, one of my cousins said, "Dah laki kau nanti kau nak tinggal mana ?"  and that question was left hanging in the air. I can hear glass cracking sound effect in my head. heh.



Day 2 in Netherlands. ( a continuation from this post Day 1)

A day before I went to Amsterdam I googled 'things to do in Amsterdam'. I found one website showing 20 unconventional things to do and one of them was jogging along the canals in Amsterdam. I thought it's a good and healthy idea. So, I brought my trainers with me. After subuh, around 7.00 a.m I went out to run ( as expected, I ended up walking). It was so nice and apparently not so unconventional things to do  because many other travelers decided to run too. The road was so clear you can do gangnam style dance without getting hit by a car or tram.

See! No cars or bicycles and it was 7:30 a.m.

There are still 200 houseboats in Amsterdam. The waterlines here are filled with houseboats forcing the city council to adopt policy limiting the number of houseboats. There are many nice houseboats hotels around Amsterdam if you are up for it. 

This is the last canal before I ran back to my hotel because I was so hungry. If you look up, most of the buildings here have gables and hooks and they are not there just for decoration. Since the stairs are very steep in every building, people here use hooks to enable them bring in furniture or large items into the buildings. The church in the picture above is the oldest church in Amsterdam. I ran with a Dutch. He told me this stuff. I won't look up to see gables and hooks if he didn't ask me to. Seriously, who wants to look up while running with a good looking Dutch man? Heh.

Next, breakfast time. 

I went out again for a half-day tour to Zaanse-Schans, Marken and Volendam. I booked the tour online. It is easier and safer to book online because sometimes the tour bus could be fully booked and it is safer because you don't have to bring a lot of cash with you. Plus, you can plan your itinerary earlier. I can be a very hardcore planner. So, I booked all the tours online including hop-on and hop-off bus and cruise ticket. You know the places you want to go and things you want to do beforehand. For a solo traveler it is actually so much easier and safer to book everything online.

Anyway, Zaanse-Schans is a countryside and it is only 20 minutes away from Amsterdam. It is a small village along Zaan river and famous with its tidy green houses and working windmills. It is just 20 minutes away from Amsterdam but the landscape is totally different. I can smell Milo in the air because of the chocolate factories there. Swans and ducks in the river and pretty windmills along the river gave me the picture of what it must have been like. I'm not a big city person, so I fell in love with Zaanse-Schans instantly. Plus, the weather, Mashaallah, was so nice and sunny that day.

It used to be a working windmill and now it is a house! 

A family is actually living in this windmill. 

 Every house owns a boat. 

I had to tebalkan muka and asked a random people to take my photo.

Our tourist guide. She comes from Columbia and now married to a Dutch man. I'm a huge fan of Modern Family series. She reminded me of Gloria (Sofia Vergara) because of her accents.

The first supermarket in Amsterdam.

Just like those houses I used to draw when I was a kid in kindergarten.

Some of the houses here were literally moved from another places just to preserve Dutch architectural heritage. 

 All of the windmills here are industrial windmills which means they are not used to pump water or generate energy.

 It was so awkward because more than 10 people were watching me. Well, they were actually waiting to take my spot to take photo of themselves too. -.-'

Then, we headed to another village to see how wooden clogs are made. The Dutch have been wearing the wooden clogs or they call it klompen long time ago to protect their feet and keep them dry. 

Free clog making demonstration by this pakcik. 

Nothing much to see here other than the clogs. We spent less than one hour here before heading to Volendam where you could find all the Ducth cliches like wooden shoes (again), traditional costumes and my favorite, the cheese factory called Cheese Factory Volendam. One of the locals told me, if you come to Holland but you don't visit Volendam, your life is not complete. He just wanted to say that Volendam is a must visit place. over tau pakcik tu sampai hidup tak sempurna gitu. haha. 

 Volendam is a fisherman village which is best explored by walking. You can walk between the houses here that compete for a trophy for the best window decoration. I was told that they have that competition every year here. So cute! How I wish we could have windows like this in Malaysia. Thanks to ugly window grilles we have in Malaysia!

My favorite place of all. I can live in this cheese factory. I tried all kinds of cheese until I burped and it smelled like cheese. They have free demonstration on how they make cheese here. They said, making cheese is not just a process, but it is an art. Well, when you think again, it is an art. It starts as milk then, after a few processes it becomes a tasty slice on your bread.See,it is an art. Get it? No? Me too. 

I bought a few slices of cheese here and ate them while watching movies in my hotel room later that night. Some women prefer chocolate, I prefer cheese. 

A house here worth 1.5 millions euro. You know, in case, you want to buy a house here.

After that, I went back to Amsterdam and.... I'm too lazy to continue writing about it. Till then. Chow! 

P.s : While writing this, I'm eating buah durian belanda. I totally forgot what we call it in English, so I asked my dad and he said Dutch durian. Fair enough.  -.-' It's soursop!