Thursday, March 29, 2012

you just hit the button

my shrink said, just imagine anything that make you feel timid, ugly, stupid and all those negative feelings as a box. every morning, once you open your eyes, you have 2 choices. whether you want to put and lock yourself in that nasty, dark box or you jump high and avoid the box. it's your life. your choice. you always have options. once you let other people to choose for you, you'r screwed, man.

but, why do they have to hit my self-destruction button, again?

people are scary, tahu?


Tuesday, March 27, 2012

jelly beans

hush now, let's go quiet to the park where it first started. cold night. us lying in the dark. i felt my heart was trying to find a place for you to stay. a place where i feel safe. in your arms i stay. :)

oh hello, spring!! i love spring. and park.

good night world. we won today's battle and we have another battle tomorrow..

p.s: 200098 jelly beans were used and it took 22 months to finish this video.osem.

Monday, March 26, 2012

3 TA

3 TA yang buat orang jadi bodoh.nampak bodoh. bertindak dengan bodoh.

1. takhTA

i don't give a damn how rich you are, whatever title you have. seriously man, you are so funny. i respect you as another living soul on earth but not because your takhTA or harTA. i will respect you more if you have knowledge and a good heart but.. ahh.

p.s: all the speakers for our medical symposium are going back to Malaysia today. 3 people that inspire me a lot. 3 people that i really look up to. can't wait to go back to Malaysia and meet them again for our next project.inshaallah. world need more people like them. doctors beyond the horizon.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

es pi em

SPM? life is more than that. but i won't blame you if you think SPM is a key to any doors for your future because i used to think that way too. i think all of us were engineered to think that way, no? but bro, trust me, life is more than straight A's certificate. so, don't worry, keep doing what you are doing now because you are good at it. don't listen to those voices of majority. too mainstream is no good, remember?  heh.

oh, welcome to adulthood, bro! wth. i know. don't tell mama i wrote this.chow.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

no, it's not enough.

and you will soon wake to see, there's no heart in anything you said to me...

Saturday, March 17, 2012

thick and thin

last night was a long night. one of us was hospitalized last night. it was quite dramatic with an ambulance ride at 12 a.m and all those drunk people at A&E. at 4.00 a.m,

"hey guys, i'm here. i brought a blanket, some fruits and cookies. and oh my iPad too."

he came.

"eh suka hati la.i want to be here. a friend indeed is a friend in need, what?"

so, suddenly a long night turned to a mini picnic at A&E.


kalau ada tempat yang lagi bawah dari lantai rumah, i feel like lying on that all day long doing nothing, not even thinking. all emotions are being compressed in a sac that will burst in no time. anger, sadness, helplessness, weariness. Allah knows best. when family is too far for a hug and comfort, friends become family. true friends.

orang kata setiap perkara berlaku ada hikmah.dalam banyak-banyak benda beraku sekarang,  at least i can stop blaming myself now. i mean, at least.

but for now, lantai rumah is good  to put face and chest on.

Thursday, March 15, 2012


"oh, come on. you don't have to go there."
"why?i'm helping you."
"no, you are not. you go to the only place i feel secure."
"tell me more about it."
"haha. you are good.come on,i covered this kind of psychology tell-me-more-about-it topic during my first year."
"i know. that's better. so, you know about it. tell me more about you secret territory."
"it's a secret territory, don't you think it is supposed to be a secret?"
"see, told you, i'm fine."
"no, you are not. but it's good to know you can tell people about your feeling now. "
"no. i'm not going to do that again. it drags my emotion down."
"oh my God. you are good,huh?no, let's have a silent moment until my session is over."
"i'm here for a reason."
"have a nice your hair,anyway. just like my dad's hair"
"humor is good."
"haha. it's not a joke but really, have a nice day."

anddd i heard, "twisted." sayup-sayup.

one of those know.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

live your life

rise before you fall, hope for something more

it's the yogurt

everything we do, we must do our best. anything. kalau nak belajar, belajar sungguh-sungguh. kalau nak makan, makan sungguh-sungguh. kalau nak main, main sungguh-sungguh.

kalau nak ponteng kelas, ponteng kelas betul-betul. just like what i'm doing now. eating my favorite yogurt, wearing my favorite t-shirt, lying on my bed, listening to The Beatles and writing this crap while others are listening attentively to respiratory clinical examination  at 'my beloved' hospital now. 

and i'm eating my favorite yogurt now.

kalau nak malas, malas betu-betul. yedak?

Sunday, March 11, 2012

oh,hello world!

semua orang pakai baju tidur pergi serang rumah nabilah. happy birthday, darl. you're 22 now!

Blue birthday party!

girls day out. eye bag and cyanotic lips.what to do..

sushi!!! here's the deal ; you pay 20 euro, you can eat anything on the belt in 2 hours. so, we ate like zombies.

anything! (i mean yang halal laa)

see, all those plates. no, actually we ate a lot more.

"aisyah, finish that first!" said Shanaz.

" i want dorayaki!"

chocolate overload.

and yeah..upacara ambil gambar sendiri. 0.o


after 2 hours. waiter datang ambil plates 10 kali sebab penuh sangat meja. we are dragons!

what a good weekend.alhamdulillah. tomorrow, class at 8 a.m. emmm...we deserve that, i guess. hello, gloomy monday!

Saturday, March 10, 2012

my boyfriend

my handsome nephew. 

and he rarely smiles.

aunty billa miss u. badly. :'(

Thursday, March 8, 2012

more than that

"the scary and damage can be more than you can handle. let. it. go."

easy said than done.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012


we are all damaged. some of us might be more than the others. we carry damage from childhood and now we are grownups but still,  we are damaged. and now we are trying to fix whatever we can. ah,childhood.


Tuesday, March 6, 2012

in one day

parcel from Malaysia. haah,mengada seluar pun nak dari neslo mmg tkde kat dublin.

Thursday, March 1, 2012


what's the point of all those powers and money? what's the point? world is just an horrible place. people can be so scary and stab you in the back. people discriminate you based on your origin, where you come from. people betray.people leave.people change.people ditch you. people are just scary! it makes absolutely no sense to try to be happy in a world that is such a horrible place.

i'm tired. fried. i wish i can talk but i just can't.

or maybe i'm just twisted and broken from the beginning.