I'm back in Dublin and I have no time to update this blog.

Terima kasih yang bertanya perkhabaran diri ini. terharu.

Just moved into a new house and live alone for a while  .

Shanaz comes every night just to make sure i'm not alone at night. True friend. :') 

Nothing much is going on now (except there's a dog who loves to bark at my door every evening )

wait until 1st October when all 'drama' will begin. 

Muahahahahaha!!

Kidding. 

will update more tonight. 

Here comes the reality..

watching en.wonderwall packed my things at Klia (because i was too sad to pack properly or i was born to be suck at packing) made me realize how scary my life would be in Dublin. Dublin is reality and reality is scary. These past 3 months I've been depending on my parents and him too much until one point I forgot how to do things on my own. I used to love to do things alone, stay at home alone, you know, just being alone like i always do. Now, i'm not sure I can do it or not.



"Whatever happens, please come back next year.Pleaseeee."


Who says guys can't do puppy eyes???? Arghhhhhw and


I don't even want to go back. :'(







P.s: at dubai airport now and have to wait for another 7 hours. sumpah mengantuk. tak tipu.rasa nak baring atas lantai.

The luggage is still empty. My brain too.

I texted my housemate,

"Are you in Dublin on 24th?

"I'm going back on the 21st."

Great. I don't have to be alone. Then she continued,

"I'm going somewhere else, though. Don't worry our neighbors are nice. I'll be back on 28th."

Uhuks. T_T I'll be living alone for a few days but thanks to my housemate she already settled the electricity and stuff. Thank you so much.

After a few minutes,

"Got some problems,though." 

And she listed all the problems. Gulp.

"Inshaallah, I'll try to settle those problems."

After staring at my empty luggage with those unsettled things about our new house in my mind for 30 minutes, I texted en.wonderwall, ( I took 20 minutes to process  and 10 minutes thinking about how my life would be so much easier if I have a husband.puii!)

"how to fix the water heater?how to potong rumput? what if they got pacat? how to use central heating? and ,and, and the bulb in the kitchen?

He tried to be helpful by giving all the solutions to those things and finally,

"you can get it at any hardware shops. You know what, just call any technicians or plumbers."

"right? who needs a husband? we just need a technician and hardware shop."

"what?!"

I think I can handle that. Inshaallah. :s

But then, I got this,

" our house agent already bought us a top up card for central heating but I didn't use it yet because it wasn't that cold. You can try to use it if you want."

A top up card for central heating? Dublin, you really know how to make money, don't you? How to use it,anyway?

and I haven't started packing yet. macam biasa la.




p.s: rasa sedih lain macam. lagi sedih daripada tahun lepas. :(

When all that I've tried leaves nothing but holes inside...

When all that you've tried,

leaves nothing but holes inside.

It seems like you are wired to stay here,

held in time.

Cause nothing seems to change,

no, nothing's gonna change at all.

I can see it in your face,

the hope has gone away.

But if you hold tight,

shadows will be lost in the light,

cause sometimes fate and you dreams will collide.

Don't walk away from me.

Don't walk away from me

I know everything's gonna be okay.

I know it's so easy to say,

but the pain inside will fade,

please tell me you will stay.

but when all that I've tried leaves nothing but holes inside...

haih..

Tiada usaha yang sia-sia di sisi Allah. Inshaallah.

P.s : why do they put a shark mascot at the end of the music video? I just don't get it. 

Tarbiyah Ramadhan.

I might not be a perfect person. Nobody is.  I did a lot of mistakes in the past. I used to to put my trust to people instead of Allah, being ungrateful with my life and I had bad relationship with people (hablumminannas) since I tend to be alone or mingle with the people that i know only. I admit I used to hate usrah or halaqah. I hurt so many people's feeling dalam sedar atau tidak.. Bila jauh daripada keluarga dan tiada manusia untuk diharapkan baru rasa pergantungan kepada Allah itu lebih baik daripada pergantungan kepada manusia. Pergantungan kepada Allah itulah pergantungan sebenar-benarnya.

 Last Ramadhan taught me a lot of things. No doubt that Ramadhan is a good taybiyah for us. Ulama' said, if we don't change into a better person after Ramadhan, then we should reflect ourselves. Alhamdulillah, I have a good friend who is willing to share her knowledge with me and Allah gives me the best kakak usrah ever. They never failed to share their knowledge with me until today. 

My nenek passed away in last Ramadhan and that was the biggest ujian for me.Ramadhan taught me to be patient and strong. Not only that, last Ramadhan changed my perception and belief towards many things. I learned how to fight anger and be more calm if Allah gives me ujian by being grateful with other nikmah. If one person hates me, it doesn't mean other people will hate me too and the most important thing is to please Allah, not human beings. I used to hate people but I learned, it didn't bring me good at all. Kemarahan dan kebencian permainan syaitan. I don't want to be a part of syaitan's trick. Plus, Allah with assobirin. Ramadhan changed me. I know there are lot more I need to improve like my hijab, my social life and so on but right now, I just don't want to be the old me. I want to put my trust to Allah.

Allah gave me another small ujian to me lately but if this is the way He wants to remind me about my dosa in the past, I'm glad. Alhamdulillah. Allah still loves me. He wants to test me and He wants me to remember Him .

I cried a lot today because I got too carried away with matters in life. Silly me. Padahal itu baru ujian yang kecil. We can't please everyone, kadang kala kita tak tahu pun silap kita di mana .Allah knows everything. Even it hurts, Allah knows better. He has a better plan. He knows our pain better than we do. There's nothing in this world last forever including the pain. Allah itu Maha Kuat dan pemberi kekuatan. 

Sabarlah. Allah bersama dengan orang-orang yang sabar.

We were together than we apart.

You were a gift from someone. I got you in a box and with a red ribbon on it. 1 week before i went to Dublin for the first time, I cried alone in my room because I have no you to bring and only God knows how much I love photography even though I know I have no talent in it. Mom and dad said no! when I asked them to buy me one.  Then, I got you from someone as a gift.

We traveled around Ireland together. Then, we went to Sweden. You fell on the hard snow a few times during the ski trip. That was how you scratched your body. We went to Paris, Portugal and Germany. You were in my bag all the times. Sometimes, when I have nothing to do, I made you 'capture' random people on the street that I saw from my apartment. Yeah, we had fun together. You had been my friends for 2 years. We were together more than we apart. Although you are only 12 megapixel and 3X zoom and sometimes you gave me blurred pictures (especially at night. What's you problem,man?!), I still love you. You were my little red friend. T__T

I lost your energy source, I mean your charger. Little did i know, you were one of the limited edition products. They stopped producing your friends and thus, i couldn't buy a new charger for you. My heart was so broken when I were told to buy a new camera instead of searching a new charger for you. I swear, i almost cried in the camera shop when they laughed at you . Sorry, my friend, I can't help you. 

(Dear you who bought me this camera, i'm so sorry and thanks for giving me this little red friend. It is time for us to set him free.)

So, my friend, rest in peace. I don't know if I can move on or not (since i need to have a certain amount of money to move on with your kind. You guys are expensive, for God's sake!)

goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend, you have been the one for me. T.T

Meanwhile,

I went to shop for my 'clinical attire' yesterday.

" I got 2 nice tops for 50 ringgit! Man, I love Malaysia."

"What brand? What material? Do you need to send them for dry cleaning or not?"

I keep checking the phone number, in case I sent the text to a wrong person but no, I didn't. I was expecting something like

"Ok, cool. What is tops, again?" 

Oh God, what happened to my fiance? I should stop talking about girl's stuff to him. Too much oestrogen for him.

Dude, let's talk more about football and cars. o.0

Cry, if you need to..

When something happened and you try not to be sad but you can't, it breaks you heart. It affects your emotion in many possible ways. I suddenly cried in the fitting room today for almost 1 hour. It is not that I hate the pants so much, I just need to cry, I guess. I rather cry in front of random people than the people I know. I came out from the fitting room and said to a salesgirl,

" I took this one. I love it so much, it hurts."  Sambil lap hingus.
"Gapo dio?"

-__-'

Then, I went to a camera shop and once again I almost cried. That uncle just asked me to buy a new camera instead a new charger but i felt people being so mean to me.

"I just asked you nicely about the charger."
"Aiyo amoi, don't cry.don't cry. Ok, ok, you can go to other store.i'm so sorry we don't have it here."
"I'm not crying!!"

Poor that uncle.



My sad song:

My breaking heart and I agree

That you and I could never be

So with my best

My very best

I set you free

A conversation i have in my mind

"You talked behind my back."
"No, i'm just poking you."
"Yes, you poke me but  with a real knife. It hurts."

A conversation  that I have in my mind but the pain is real.
What did i do?
Why do you have to hate me so much?
What happened to all those memories?

A sad face on a calendar.

i had this laundry lesson 101 with en.wonderwall the other day.

Chiffon, silk, batik and a few other materials >>> dry cleaning
other materials>>>> ikut suka hang.


One day, when i was buying rotiboy,

"you wanna know a funny story?"
"you are gonna tell it anyway."
"they should send this pandan cake for dry cleaning."

and i looked at two boxes of pandan cake near the counter.

"Chiffon Pandan Cake."


Laundry lesson 101 failed!

-______________-"

We also had Handbag Lesson 101.

A good handbag>>>pretty and practical.

"this is how we hold this handbag."

"why?"

"because of the design."

"i can never understand women."

"i think i'm buying this one."

"no.it's not practical!"

All the salesgirl looked at us.duh! he was too involved. cannot la like this.aiyo.

Handbag Lesson 101 failed!

meanwhile in his office,

:(

sad face on 23rd September. 

p.s: i'm flying off alone. transit di Dubai 7 jam. alone. T_T

I don't want to go back!!!!

i don't want to go back.leave me here. seeee,i'm sleeping here.

bila 23 september semakin menghampiri, i'm getting crazier.