Still huge

39 weeks now and no signs of labour yet. Well, I did get Braxton Hicks but that was it. My mom and my sister had their first baby at 38 weeks. So, I was hoping to have my first baby last week and coincidentally, I had strong contractions every 10-15 minutes last week. I asked my husband to get ready to come back from his office that day. The contractions were so strong to one point I thought it must be 4-5 cm already. Wishful thinking. -.-' After a while, they were gone just like that. No more contractions. Yilek! I told my husband to just stay calm at his office doing whatever engineering stuff he had to do. Luckily we had appointment with our beloved obgyn that night (yes, our obygn does antenatal check up at night too!). My obygn said it can be anytime now but it was still false contractions. I cannot imagine how painful the real one is gonna be. *cry* Dear baby ZS, if you are reading this one day, you better be good to mommy!

I'm basically a ticking bomb. A slow one, I guess. I really hope BabyZS is ready to come out now since her weight was 2.9kg last week (I guess it is 3kg by now). 

People say walking is good to ease labour, hence the picture above. Our neighbourhood has a very nice jogging route and outdoor gym, I would say. So, I decided to go for walking for almost 2km with my husband. If that does not make my baby want to come out yet, I don't know what else should I do ( oh dont tell me to eat spicy food. I eat cili api as ulam). 

If you are ready Baby ZS, please come out. Mommy and Daddy can't wait to see you.

Connection

It was 4 am and I could not bring myself to sleep. It was not because of pregnancy insomnia this time. I was very tired since I cooked one whole chicken, making rissoles from scratch and cleaned my whole house. I purposely tried to make myself tired during the day so that I could have a better sleep at night. Plus it is recommended to be active at this stage to ease labour. There were no reasons to not fall asleep that night. I looked at my husband who was sleeping next to me comfortably and soundly without a baby twirling and kicking in his tummy. How could you sleep while I even out of my breath if I lay down on my back. If I sleep on my right or left, my baby will start twirling and kicking so hard. Then, it hit me. The reason why I could not sleep this past few weeks because I'm worried. I'm worried  that my baby is not comfortable with my sleep position or I'm just afraid I will somehow crush her, I dont know. I mean it is not medically possible because the amniotic fluid won't allow me to crush her and her still soft bones make her very flexible at this stage. But may be my pregnancy hormone or maternal instinct that somehow makes me think the worst things. I dont get this feeling during my first or second trimester and to be honest, at first,  I didn't feel any connection at all with my sweet baby. It is not that we don't plan to have her (believe me, we want this baby more than anything else in this world), but I just could not bond with her during the first 5 months of my pregnancy. I read many articles how to bond with your bump but I still felt nothing. Then, I talked to my sister-in-law whom I'm very closed with (God bless her, I love her so much) and of course, my mother too. They made me feel normal because they also had the same problem during their first pregnancy. Alhamdulillah after practising what they shared with me I feel very connected to my baby (I'll try to write about this in another post because I know some of my friends also have the same problem). As my pregnancy progress, I started to understand what people mean by maternal instinct. Plus, my baby now can reacts to external stimuli, it makes our bonding time becomes more fun. I talk, sing and read to her. I really enjoy the bond we have but sometimes, I wish to have just one or two nights in a week when I can sleep peacefully.
After trying all sorts of position to sleep that night, I finally melted down and cried like a baby. I didn't want to wake my husband since he has been working hard lately and he needed his rest. I went to the room next to ours as we turned it to the nursery room.  When I looked at the clean white baby cot that my husband assembled, the changing table, the toys we bought for our baby and all her tiny clothes that look so cute, I cried again. This time I cried because I feel bad thinking that I will not be a good mother because I asked for a good sleep. I feel so guilty and ungrateful for wishing my baby to stop kicking at night just because I wanted my good sleep. I don't know if this is just my crazy roller coster pregnancy hormones but I'm very sure the journey to be a mother is not easy  It is not only you have to endure the physical pain but also emotionally. I'm learning step by step now. I love my mother more than ever now and I'm getting to understand her more and more. All mothers just want the best for their children and sacrifice is the key.

Cooking

I'm a type of person selagi boleh masak kat rumah, I masak. Luckily, my husband loves home-cooked food (or he is obligated to love my food) and it is very easy to feed this one. I'm very particular what food i put into my mouth and my husband's. I'm becoming more and more like my mother (she is everything about healthy and organic food). I remembered the first time I went groceries shopping with my husband after we got married. He load up our trolley with so many junk food and frozen food which they will never and ever be in my groceries list. The way I was brought up in my family, groceries mean REAL FOOD. Veggies, eggs, salad, rice, olive oil, fruits and more fruits. Our snacks are fruits. I told my husband I want real food and all those junk food, carbonated drinks, 3 in 1, chocolates, potato chips are not allowed in my kitchen. No wonder why some people complain our food's prices are expensive. If you just choose to buy real food only, you can really make a difference about your groceries budget, I tell you. 

Slowly, my husband can adapt to how I prepare our food to one point it annoys me sometimes when he ask, only protein today? Where are my veggies? -.-'  He even starts to eat fruit for snack and searching for fruits in the fridge after we eat our mean meal. No more potato chips while watching Modern Family. Pheww. 

Anyway, my due date is approaching and then im gonna start to work soon. I'm afraid that I'm not going to have time to prepare food for my husband. I'm right now starting to make a list on what to cook and planning to cook for one week stock snd just put them in our freezer. When he wants to eat, he just need to heat up the food. We don't own a microwave, by the way (just another way to avoid eating fast or ready made food but now I'm thinking to get one just to make my life easier). Oh yeah, I'll go to that level just to make sure my family will eat good food that I cook. I've talked to many of mommydoctors or wifeydoctors who are still able to cook for their family despite of having crazy schedule at work. All of them said the same thing, time management. If they can do that, I can too, right? 

Ps: I watched Bajrangi Bhaijaan last night. I'm not a Bollywood fan, I dont ever  finished watching Khabi Khushi Khabi Gam, to be honest. This movie is different. Not clichè at all. It puts Dilwale straight into the drain. Sorry to all Dilwale's fans here, I think there is nothing special about the movie. I watched Dilwale with my husband for only 10 minutes and both of us went 'eeuwwww' and decided that movie is not for us (their songs are catchy, though).

Just random photos of home-cooked food

Nasi lemak. Not so healthy this one but I  used less santan to prepare the rice.

Roast chicken with bread stuffing. Do not need to eat with the rice as bread will serve as carb.

Butterhead is my favourite. Butterhead salad with pomegranate.

Jacket potatoes with carrot and cheese.

Peri-peri chicken and grilled beef with air-fried homemade spicy potatoe wedges.

(Air fryer is my fav kitchen gadget so far. It makes my life easier and healthier) 

Butter chicken.

Portugese grilled fish. 

BBQ night, baby shower and nephews

Last week we hosted a new year barbecue party/baby shower/family gathering at our place. It is very hard to get my siblings to be under one roof since everyone is busy working or studying. So, we chose 1st January to gather since it is a public holiday and since I'm very pregnant and tired all the times, we decided to do it at our place. It was more like potluck where I prepared the chicken and others brought prawns, fish, baked potatoes (apparently my brother is sooo good in making baked potatoes with cheese and whatever cream he stuffed inside) etc. While all the guys were busy barbecue-ing outside, we, the girls were busy talking about labor stories. Both of my sister and sisters-in-law are gifts from God. Seriously, I don't get why some people can be so mean to their sisters-in-law. I got so many presents like baby clothes from my sister-in-law and my sister even gave me a full set of breast pump which to be honest, the 'scariest' thing for me and my husband to buy. We don't know which one is good and only God knows how many types of breast pumps there are. Plus, it is very expensive! Getting a full set of good brand breast pump is really a GIFT. While we were busy talking about baby stuff, my 4 year-old nephew came to me and ask, 

"What is inside your belly, Aunty Billa?"

"A baby."

He looked at me without saying anything as if I was lying to him. Then, he continued watching Minions movie on my laptop. A few minutes after that, he came to my sister-in-law and asked,

"Mommy, what is inside Aunty Billa's tummy?"

"A baby girl."

"Did she eat it?"

"No."

"But you said not all fat people have baby inside their tummy."

Just because his mommy used to tell him that it's rude to go and rub random people's tummy(he used to do that) because not everyone with big tummy is pregnant .

HAHAHA

Later, when he found out that I'm really pregnant and not just another fat lady, he came and talked to my baby. It was so cute. 

"Hi baby. Ni abang Iqi. Baby gigirl, abang Iqi boboy."

We only have a few girls in our family. So, when everyone in my family knows that we are expecting a girl, everyone is excited. Too excited to one point, my sister keeps texting me to know if I'm already in labour or not. -.-'

p/s: I already started to get false contraction and it hurts like crazy. Please pray for my uneventful pregnancy and easy labour. 

To my 'Superwoman' year!

If you are a kind of person who hates the new-year-last-year-throwback crap, this post is not for you. I know some people hate that because I hated that too before. Not that I'm a big fan of 'azam baru' for each year either. I still stick to my motto, we should have a new resolution each day not just on every new year. Anyway, i just browsed down my phone photo album in order to delete some of the photos. Looking back at those moments that I managed to capture with my still functioning 4s, I somehow feel 2015 was a great year for me. Alhamdulillah. Of course there were ups and downs but Allah is so great and generous.

-I managed to finish medical school! All the sleepless nights and never ending exams in medical school will always be remembered. Ireland is forsure my second home and I will definitely go back there one day.

-Had a wonderful time traveling around Europe with my halal boyfriend. Up until now, we are still talking about it. We need to move on, honey. 

-Other than making my mom and my husband proud (i hope so),

I also knew for the first time that I'm pregnant on my graduation day! What a blessed day it was. Many people asked if it is a planned pregnancy or it is an accident just because the timing could not be more perfect. Well, we are two people who love each other and want to have each other's baby. Ok that sounds very cheesy and tacky. Pardon me. Both of us believe that anak itu rezeki dan pengikat kasih sayang, so kenapa nak plan sampai 2-3 tahun. But if Allah says not yet, then no. Alhamdulillah, bak kata my MIL, we are just too 'subur'. Hahahaha! Until now, Baby Z is the best gift for us. 

-2015 was also the year when we starterd to live as a normal married couple. We moved into our very own house. Our very own little ohana. It is perfect and enough for now. 

2015, you were a great year and 2016 is going to be the beginning of my 'superwoman' year! I want to be a great wife, mother, daughter and also an excellent doctor for ummah. Inshallah. 

Ps: my first superwoman task, hosting a barbecue party tonight. -.-'