The best feeling.

"This is the last surgery you will be scrubbing in. We will set you free."

One of the surgeons said that to me on last Tuesday when I scrubbed in with him for hemiarthroplasty.

 The next day and the next, next day,

"I have a few cases that I want you scrub in."

 I don't mind to scrub in. In facts, I enjoyed being the first assistant to a surgeon like one of the interns said, 

"I wish I can scrub in. You are so lucky because not all the third year students get the chance to be the surgeon's first assistant, you know! You should use this opportunity to learn."

I always know I love surgery more than medicine but I'm not really sure about that until a scrubbing nurse tied up my oversize surgical gown (they should consider supplying small size surgical gowns for petite surgeons, seriously!). My first attempt to scrub in, I failed. That's because I didn't know how to wear gloves using the closed method.The one you see on Grey's Anatomy is the opened method. It is so much easier but it is not the best method to wear gloves, they said. Only God knows how sad I was that time. I felt so stupid and useless. That time I already told myself to give up my dream to become a surgeon.  Drama kemain!

The next day, the same surgeon said,

" Siti, come and watch me scrubbing. If you want to be a surgeon, this is the crucial step."

As if he was saying if you can't do the easiest part properly, don't ever dream to become a surgeon. 

"You got it? Now, take a gown pack and scrub in."

After I failed my first chance, I watched many Youtube videos on how to wear surgical gloves using the closed method. I even practiced using my leather gloves. The surgeon watched me from the beginning with a straight face ( well, he was wearing a mask but I knew he wasn't smiling) . When I was about to wear the gloves, all the scrubbing nurses, the SHO and a registrar looked at me. I opened the pack, slowly grabbed the inner part of the glove using my thumb with closed cuff, turned it around, put all my fingers inside. 

" Well done!"

The nurses smiled and tied up my gown. Since then, the surgeon will ask me to scrub in with him for easy cases and I can't explain my feeling whenever the surgeon says, "Siti, scrub in."

The best feeling ever. I'm gonna miss Mr.P (the straight-face-surgeon) and his team. I'm gonna miss the siti-scrub-in-now feeling. 

The next hospital >>>> National Orthopaedic Hospital.

I can't run away from orthopaedic. -.-'