Tali persaudaraan

"When you did everything in your power to save your relationship with someone but still,you are treated poorly, it does not say much about you. It says much about them, Aisyah. Remember to always be a bigger person. Tiada yang lebih baik daripada puasa dan solat sunat melainkan menyambung kembali tali persaudaraan. You are the one who always told me 'tak kisah orang bagi kita taik, kita kena bagi bunga.' You taught me that, remember?"

This message I received 2 days ago from someone who knows me more than I know myself. I could not reply even a word because everything in that one message is true, it hurts. Thank you, babe.

Sweetheart.

Your daddy had his breakfast

And gave you a kiss this morning.

"Take a good care of your mummy. Behave in there."

Behave in there, sweetheart. 

We love you. 

Dream

I was wearing my favourite shirt, 

And you were wearing you Superdry t-shirt.

You stroked my hair,

I was staring at the window.

The weather was gloomy, it reminded me of Dublin. 

"What is your dream, sayang?" 

"I wanna be a surgeon."

You laughed reluctantly. 

Silly me.

I should include you in my dream. 

"How do you see yourself in another 7

years?"

"A happy wife, a mother of our two children, Zara Sofea and Umar Daniel and surgery is my forte." 

You smiled. 

Like you always do when you see me.

And now I realise your smile is my dream. 

Then we continue to stare at the window. 

It was not so gloomy anymore.

Alhamdulillah. 

Deadly system.

Dear KKM,

I'm pretty sure you have heard the news about a doctor who just passed away in RTA on her way from Sungai Buloh Hospital to her house after working for 36 hours. Post-call what we call it in case you already forgot. 36 hours! This is not the first case that  doctors driving after endless working hours and end up with tragic accident. Not one but two of my seniors and a good friend of mine also involved in RTA because they are just too damn tired post call. Luckily all of them only suffered minor injuries. I read the news a few times just not to misread the '36 hours' part. How on earth do you think a normal, fit human beings can function as a human not even talking about how to function as a good doctor here. 

It's about time KKM, it's about time. How about the case of a HO found dead in hospital toilet after woking more than 30 hours? Not to mention about those who end up with depression. Make the shift system works already! How many doctors need to die before you can change this deadly system? Do you think doctors are robots? Yet, the seniors still proudly say, 

"During our time, we never complained. We worked 2 days straight." 

"Doctors nowadays ah sooo manja. Cannot do this and that. During our time.."

There is nothing to be proud of with the old system, veterans! 

Doctors have kids, husbands and wives. We have families. Most importantly, we are human who get sleepy, tired and sick. 

Kind regards,

A junior doctor who will be called to work in this deadly system very soon,

a wife 

and a mother-to-be. 

Question

I was talking to my husband about how some people can leave everything behind and go travel and have a carefree life. I told him I totally disagree with that concept of life. In my opinion, what is life without responsibilities, commitment and goal? ( So, this is just my opinion. Dont serang me abang2 and kakak2 hipster, ok?) Just like how some people want to work really hard, gain money but unwillingly to spend that money just because they want to achive a certain amount of money in the bank account so that they will be debt free in future. To be honest, part of myself also want that. Who wants to be in debt? But not too stingy to one extent you don't enjoy living. We work hard and we deserve some rewards but not too much la of course. Plus, we dont know when are we going to die, no? So, when are we going to enjoy living? And again, this is just my opinion. For me, life should be balanced between family, career and fun.

'Bekerjalah seperti kamu akan hidup seribu tahun lagi dan beribadahlah seperti kamu akan mati esok hari.'

After talking about this with my husband, he said, never questioned anyone's decision in their lives. We don't walk in their shoes, so we don't know. Usually,when we have an argument I always play 'wife is always right' card but that time he had a good point so, I kept that card away. Yet, every cells in my body still thought I was right until yesterday.

We had an iftar with our family and one of my uncles raised the recent issue of how some people compare the living cost in UK and Ireland to Malaysia ( mind you, the comparison is based on food price -.-'). I'm pretty sure everyone can read the article or i rather call it as not-too-clever-cheap fb post. Back to my uncle, he questioned my decision to work in Malaysia rather than Ireland or UK.

"Why did you come back? That was not a smart decision, you know?" 

Wow! I kept reminding myself " It is alright, I'm fasting." 

He told me to stay there based on his 2 week experience in UK. He said everything is cheap. I asked him like what? He said the fruits and veggies. He added so the living cost is much cheaper than what we are having now in Malaysia.

I actually could not help myself to laugh. I told him if "living cost" means just "fruits and veggies" I definitely stay in Ireland to work, no doubt but reality is not a bed of strawberries and carrots. How about the house rent? I paid 345 euro for a room and the house condition is not something I'm proud of. Some of my friends even pay 450 euro for a smaller room than mine. How about the electric bill? Water bill? Bus fares? Don't let me start on taxes. I've stayed there as a student and I've lived with 2 working doctors there and both of them advised me to go back home. They said, we don't have a good emotional support system here, plus with the taxes. They also said their friends at home already bought their own house but in Ireland, they are still renting a room together with the students. Plus, why do I want to work there if my husband is here?

Yes, being a junior doctor in Malaysia is a nightmare and in Ireland, we are treated more humanly. Not to mention, some of the junior doctors here end up with depression because of endless working hours. I believe, being a doctor itself is not easy.
I want to be home. My home is here where I have my family, where we afford to buy our own house and car,where the electric bill is just 70 ringgit, where I can eat halal food everywhere and so cheap, and most importantly where I can be happy to live with my husband and our baby.

Everywhere we choose to stay has its own pros and cons. I cant deny how civilised people in Ireland and UK can be and how low some of our people mentality can be. I also will miss how nice some of the consultants in Dublin can be, meanwhile in Malaysia the way of teaching is by humiliating junior doctors in front of patients. But for now, I dont regret my decision to come back here ( eventhough all those forms and 'biokrasi awam' to apply for house officer position in Malaysia gave me tension headache). After I told all of these to my uncle, he said no words but it only lasted for 3 minutes. After that he continued saying that fruits and veggies are so cheap in UK. Haha! Cannot be helped anymore la this uncle. 

Suddenly,what my husband said in our earlier argument now make sense. Now, my frontal lobe is starting to admit that we can't question anyone's decision before we walk in their shoes no matter how wrong we think their decision is. We don't know until we are actually living their lives. Don't easily put your judgemental hat on. As for my uncle, he thinks his two week experience in UK is enough for him to question my decision. 

Anyway, I might start to work in October, Inshallah (more time to enjoy, yeayyyy! I mean study, ehem) Please pray for me and my friends and my pregnancy. Thank you.







Ramadhan kareem. Don't you feel excited for lailatulqadr that could be any nights from tonight? Happy searching, guys! :)