After 6 months...

Lately I have been very slow with writing other than medical case report (and twitter for some reasons). When I say lately, I mean since my fourth year in medical school sucked the life out of me. Some part of me want to keep this blog and another part of me want to give it up. Well, here I am again after what, 6 months? I miss this space. I do miss writing about how shitty my life is or how lucky I am sometimes. This space used to be the place for me to express my anger or to convey message to some people ( because for someone with 'social phobia' like me, confronting people is a big no no!) I decided to stop writing here, first, because  sometimes revealing too much information about my life make me feel uncomfortable. It hit me hard when my best friend told me that she actually did not expect that I have a blog since she knew me as a very private person. "Hello, you can't even share a room with other people," she said. Well, good luck for my future husband. I'm gonna be a pretty strict 'roommate'.

The second reason is, my study. Oh my God (read this with a valley girl accent)! Ask any students in any medical schools, 4th year in medical school is the hardest one. Ok, fine, maybe some medical schools are different but for my medical school, 4th year is a hell year. There, I say it. It was one crazy year! 5 different specialities for 7 weeks each with exam at the end of each rotation and 3 week long final exam for all 5 specialities at the end of the year. To juniors, stop putting up status on facebook saying '4th year, please be nice to me' or ' I can't wait to be a 4th year medical student' because they won't be nice to you. I dont want to spread negative vibes or whatsoever but just be prepared. Anyhow, Alhamdulillah, I passed my 4th year exams. It is indeed a hard year but for me this is the beginning of your career in this field. It shapes your personality and what doctor you are going to be in future. I cried, I laughed, I screamed throughout my 4th year. It was hard but hey, it is not going to get easier than this in future.

Oh well, it's good to be able to write here again even though I wonder if people still read this blog.


p.s: I'm all excited and anxious at the same time to prepare for my big day. Wish me luck!

dysphoria

There are so many things in life that should make us feel happy but why do we keep focusing on one thing that makes us feel sad, angry, disappointed and dysphoric?


Why?

Hey,you!

Hey, you.

Yes you.

I know you are reading this.

Well...hi.

Never.

Never underestimate how low my self-esteem is.



Never.

Date a guy who...

Now I'm in a stage where  50% of my friends are married and another 50% are medical students like me (by that, I mean 'not married...yet'). hehe. Since I'm engaged and getting married soon and still unsure to let go my happy single life, so I asked my married friends for some marriage tips. After asking a few of them I know they are not the right person to ask for tips since they are still in the honeymoon phase when everything is still rainbow and butterfly. No offence, my married friends.

Luckily, I have a friend who got really matang after she got married (I define matang selepas kahwin as you don't do so much PDA and screenshot of every single message from your husband or wife and post them on social network. I mean, other than you become a better person). So, this is what my friend told me,

"People said, date a guy who travels or date a guy who reads but you know what, Nabilah, marry a guy who keeps his promises."

I don't know how this can be a marriage advice but I couldn't agree more. I have my own personal experience. A guy stood me up for 3 hours and late for our lunch date for a few times and the next thing I know he cheated on me with another girl and of course he's my ex now.

If a guy can't keep his words even for a simple thing like showing up on time for a date, how on earth he will be able to keep his biggest promise of 'aku terima nikahnya....' on the day he marries you and be your Imam for the rest of his life? Just saying...

When a real man makes a promise, he keeps it.

Well, this is just my two cents on Sunday morning.

Have a good day, people.

Antidepressant

I have been thinking of shutting down this blog since my life now is not so tragic anymore and it is more like a routine now. Yeah, it is kinda depressing when we think our life as a routine. I wake up every morning, Subuh, go to hospital or clinic from 8 or 9 (if I'm lucky)  until 5 or 6 p.m and go home to eat, study, sleep and whatnot. No wonder people say medic is a lifestyle. 

Some of my friends think my life only revolves between travelling and nice cafes. They obviously have no idea about the part of my life that revolves between grumpy patients, cranky doctors ,competitive colleagues and exams. Never underestimate other people's hardship just because they look happy on Instagram. There are thousands of trees in a forest but no two leaves are alike and no journeys along the same path are alike. We all have our own hardships but some people decide to be positive and look happy in front of other people. 

Well, I think life is hectic. No, life is hard but passion and patience will get me through it. At least, that is how I want to think whenever life gives me so many lemons. 

Anyway, I was planning to go to Copenhagen from Edinburgh but something has stopped me from going there. Maybe not this time (pujuk diri sendiri T__T ) I ended up going somewhere else that brought me closer to nature instead of magnificent buildings, cultures, food and people. Beach, cliff, rocks are my kind of antidepressant pills for now.

My no-filter photos :

This was after spending 5 minutes on top of the cliff and looking down at the sea below. I'm a person who can pass out because of the height. So 5 minutes on cliff is a big deal for me and please don't ever ask me if want to do skydiving or bungee jumping in New Zealand. Never! You can leave me alone in Papua New Guinea, I won't pass out but height? No way. 

Have a good day people and don't stress!

Creepy

Kids. Those small creatures. They are cute until they say something creepy that reminds you of Chucky. Don't get me wrong I love kids but lately for unknown reasons, I keep getting  'creepy'  paeds cases that I had never imagined before. For patient confidentiality purpose, I would not share the cases here but there is one particular case that keeps me awake until 1-2 a.m these past few nights (because I have to write a clinical report on this -.-').

"Emily (patient's imaginary friend) is sitting right next to you, doctor. She says, she likes you."

"Doc, you hands are sooo small, I want to eat them and let you bleed out and die. hahaha"

Tell me, how would you react to these?

On happier notes, 

"My name is C. I know your name! Your name is doctor. The other lady there, her name is doctor too."

Apparently, 'doctor' is our first name.

Kids.