Home is people not a place.

Oh hello, blog! 

I'm finally home. Home, the nicest word there is.

I wake up to delicious breakfast prepared by my mom and what-do-you-want-to-eat-today question is the question I have to answer every morning with a big smile.

 Oh, not to mention I can spend my dad's money on food, electric,internet, Astro, online shopping and hotel's food (just recently. Sorry abah if you got a lot of iced mocha and  in your hotel's bill. heeee). 

 Ahhh so good to be home after so many things in Dublin and man, my journey home this time was  not easy. My experience at Frankfurt airport was such a pain in the butt. Argh but luckily I touched down at KLIA to  my man with this in his hands :

I'm not a big fan of flight's food. So, 13 hours journey without food can create a monster. I gave a hint to en.wonderwall,

"Well, honey, it was 13 hours journey and  I can't eat these roses, you know."

"I know. They are so pretty,right."

"They are pretty but I can't eat them."

"Of course you can't. We can't eat flowers."

"I'm hungry, for God's sake."

-.-'

The first food for the 'monster' after 13 hours was nasi lemak. We have our own favorite place to eat nasi lemak. People in Shah Alam should know this place, Nasi Lemak Cinta Sayang. So, we drove ...I mean he drove all the way to Shah Alam to get that monster nasi lemak. Well, nasi lemak and paru goreng finally made a monster a human again.

Now, I can smell my mom's bubur jagung. Ah, the smell of home. Night, good people! 

Not yet. Not yet.

"Nabilah Aisyah, you are stronger than you think. Hold on there."

Other than my med school, Allah is testing me as well. He gives me endless tests that I barely can endure them. He knows I can't handle them alone, so He gives wonderful people to be with me in this world. He gives me such wonderful friends who never give up on making me see sorrow as a bright light. 

He gives me two wonderful souls who I called Mama and Abah.

think i'll fall, think i'll break?

think i'll give up and forget?

not me, not yet!

not me,not yet.

no, not me, not yet!

antidote.

truth..

As much as we want to know the truth, we are actually afraid of it. Truth can be a horrible thing. Truth can kill hope. Truth changes everything. No wonder 'breaking the bad news' is nobody's favorite thing in hospital.

Sunny Sunday

Yeah, you could be the greatest,

You can be the best,

You can be the king kong banging on your chest..

Have a good Sunday, nice people!

just because it's very cheap...

You don't judge a gift that someone gave you based on its monetary value and take it for granted just because it is cheap for you.

Someone put so much effort and give her whole heart to give you that 'cheap thing'.

If you don't want other people to see you wearing that 'cheap thing, well, at least keep it safely.

She worked her ass off  so that she could afford that 'cheap thing'.

The 'cheap thing' that she got you symbolizes her trust and love.

 You lose it, you'll lose her trust and love.

She's still keeping a tissue for her birthday 2 years ago in her wallet and bring it everywhere.  

Yes, a piece of tissue!

A piece of tissue and that is the most 'expensive' tissue ever!

Told you, she's a very sentimental person...

The best feeling.

"This is the last surgery you will be scrubbing in. We will set you free."

One of the surgeons said that to me on last Tuesday when I scrubbed in with him for hemiarthroplasty.

 The next day and the next, next day,

"I have a few cases that I want you scrub in."

 I don't mind to scrub in. In facts, I enjoyed being the first assistant to a surgeon like one of the interns said, 

"I wish I can scrub in. You are so lucky because not all the third year students get the chance to be the surgeon's first assistant, you know! You should use this opportunity to learn."

I always know I love surgery more than medicine but I'm not really sure about that until a scrubbing nurse tied up my oversize surgical gown (they should consider supplying small size surgical gowns for petite surgeons, seriously!). My first attempt to scrub in, I failed. That's because I didn't know how to wear gloves using the closed method.The one you see on Grey's Anatomy is the opened method. It is so much easier but it is not the best method to wear gloves, they said. Only God knows how sad I was that time. I felt so stupid and useless. That time I already told myself to give up my dream to become a surgeon.  Drama kemain!

The next day, the same surgeon said,

" Siti, come and watch me scrubbing. If you want to be a surgeon, this is the crucial step."

As if he was saying if you can't do the easiest part properly, don't ever dream to become a surgeon. 

"You got it? Now, take a gown pack and scrub in."

After I failed my first chance, I watched many Youtube videos on how to wear surgical gloves using the closed method. I even practiced using my leather gloves. The surgeon watched me from the beginning with a straight face ( well, he was wearing a mask but I knew he wasn't smiling) . When I was about to wear the gloves, all the scrubbing nurses, the SHO and a registrar looked at me. I opened the pack, slowly grabbed the inner part of the glove using my thumb with closed cuff, turned it around, put all my fingers inside. 

" Well done!"

The nurses smiled and tied up my gown. Since then, the surgeon will ask me to scrub in with him for easy cases and I can't explain my feeling whenever the surgeon says, "Siti, scrub in."

The best feeling ever. I'm gonna miss Mr.P (the straight-face-surgeon) and his team. I'm gonna miss the siti-scrub-in-now feeling. 

The next hospital >>>> National Orthopaedic Hospital.

I can't run away from orthopaedic. -.-'

 

I've never been this confused about 'what day is today' until today..

Wednesday is the busiest day for Orthopaedics and Trauma Surgery team that I currently attached to. They have back to back surgeries from 8 until 4 or 5 p.m. So, I kinda want Wednesday to pass quickly. I love surgeries but bones are not my forte. Today, my friend gave me a false hope by saying today is Wednesday. Plus, I did feel like today is Wednesday but what happened to my Tuesday? I've never been so confused and I actually googled 'what day is today?'  Feel so bimbo for a minute. -.-' 

and...it happened on twitter. We actually revealed our stupidity to public like that.hahah.

Tuesday is the day when I have to be in the fracture clinic and look at X-ray films of fractured bones Whenever the surgeon asks,

"What can you see there?" 

"Bone."

"I mean here!" ( while pointing to a tiny, almost invisible line in humerus bone)

"Err..still bone? Oh, there's a fracture." (just because I was in the fracture clinic..)

I'm just not into bones, i guess.

-.-'

Selamat hari pekerja!

and  don't break your bones!