Hello, again!

Oh wow it had been one year since the last time i wrote here. Well, life is pretty hectic but in a good way. What not to be thankful when I have a stable job, a place called home and most of all my little family. My last entry here was about my baby girl. Guess what, she is one now! Yes, Zara Sofea now is one year old. Jumping and running all the times. Time surely flies so fast like a Russian rocket, right? Oh yeah, I have been working as a doctor for one year too. Doctoring while mothering is one tough job, no kidding, guys! I still find it hard to leave my daughter everyday to go to work. It still makes me question my decision to be a doctor. 'I wan to quit' is my mantra every morning, seriously. Hahaha. Well, mommy needs money, shoes and handbag so being a stay at home mom is not an option for now. I mean...not until I get my full medical licensed. Anyway, I have a lot to write but not today. Maybe later. Maybe...

Horrible experience as a mom

So, my baby girl, Zara Sofea just turned one month old last week. We were very excited on that day, taking her pictures and video. My husband took half-day off because Zara needed her second vaccine. Everything was fine that day and Zara was just being herself drinking and 'melekat' with her mommy. After we got her vaccinated, we went home and everything started to change. She started to become very fussy, cried when I put her down and my biggest worry of all, she vomited after each feeding. I mean, she always spit up milk but not really vomiting. She vomited the same amount of milk that she drank and this worried me because she might not retain any fluid. We thought oh it must be how her body reacted to the vaccine or to the mee goreng I had that morning according to Kak Mah (our helper). -.-'

After 3 days, her condition was still the same. She vomited everytime I breastfed her but she pooped and wet her diapers regularly. So as a mother and a doctor I had a list of differential diagnosis at the back of my mind. From where I graduated (Ireland), a baby at this age presented with this kinda symptom, I would think pyloric stenosis even though she did not have projectile vomiting. I told my husband about it but you know daddy always think there is nothing wrong with her precious daughter (my husband is soooo into being a daddy now and he loves Zara more than me, it hurts. He calls her sayang which he used to call me   that, you know).  After one crying session (i was the one who cried not zara), he decided to bring Zara to see our GP. Then the nightmare started. Our GP worried that Zara has pyloric stenosis too. Hurmm how to say this ah? I mean yes, PS is one of my differential diagnosis for my Zara too but I did not expect our GP would think she has it since PS is more common in boys, first born son and Caucasian. Based on the epidemiology, it doesn't fit with Zara but yeah anything can happen, right? So our GP wrote a referral letter and ask us to bring Zara to A&E. We went to a government hospital which cannot be named here and it was a huge mistake. We waited for hours just to see a MO but I could not complain much since I knew the system here. Then the MO asked us to get an abdominal xray done for Zara. Oh by the way when he saw 'pyloric stenosis' on the referral letter, he kinda excited. I think because it is rare in Malaysia. I asked him why should we get an Xray because it is not a diagnostic to diagnose or rule out PS. He said he wants to rule out other things. Fair enough. Then we got the abd xray and it was a totally textbook-normal -baby abdominal xray, I swear to God but he thought the stomach was a bit dilated on the film. I did not want to argue since he is the medical officer and I am just a hospital officer yang baru nak start kerja. He also said Zara had projectile vomiting. I mean.. yeah she did vomit a lot but they were not projectile. I had seen projectile vomiting before  but again, he has more experience. He said he would call paed team to review my baby Zara. While waiting, he inserted IV line into Zara's tiny vein on her hand and that was the moment I breakdown. I cried like hell when I saw two doctors tried to pin Zara down on the bed and inserted the IV line. She cried like she never did before and I swear to God I will not let her cry like that again. Her face turned red as if she was in agony. And you know what the two MOs did while inserting the line? They talked about how awesome this case would be for their presentation next week. I dont know...but I found it soooo rude. As a person in medical line, I think it was so unethical because you should not treat a patient as a case but as a human. Yes, i do understand sometimes we get excited if we see rare cases in the hospital but no matter how rare the diagnosis is, it is still a bad news for the patient.  

Anyway, he sent us to this one room where there were 2 dengue patients, 2 gastroenteritis toddlers, and guess what, there was one measles patient. Yes, they put my one old month baby in the same room with a measles patient! I could not hold myself and ran to get the MO and bag him to not put my Zara who has not got her MMR vaccines yet with the measles patient (oh mak budak tu antivax!!!). All he said was, 'Eh mana boleh. Kena jugak duduk dalam bilik tu for rehydration.' I took my own initiative to hold the rehydration which I think it was unnecessary since Zara did not show any dehydration signs pun but yeah i did not have the power to say that. We went to wait into another room and finally we met the paed team. They said it could be anything and again I asked for ultrasound to be done since I really wanted to rule out PS (because ultrasound, food test and barium enema are more diagnostic for PS) but they said they dont have the speciality here. I need to see paed surgeon in othet gov hosp. They said they will review the xray again and update us later. When they said later, they meant 4 hours after that. Zara cried for one hour because she was so hungry and I was not allowed to breastfeed her. She then slept in my arm sebab penat menangis. It really broke my heart. After 4 hours they said they wanted to admit Zara for monitoring. That time me and my husband already lost our patience.  We had enough. Actually i lost mine earlier (with the measles patient situation). We decided to take our own risk and discharged Zara from that hospital. After making a call to Zara's paed in Columbia Hospital, I was informed that that there is one paed surgeon at SJMC. I called SJMC and they said they can get us to see the surgeon straight away if we want. So we 'ran off' from the hospital. I dont know what had got us that day when we decided to go to that hospital which cannot be named here. I mean we have our own paed that we love, we should have gone to see her. It was a huge mistake. Huge! Maybe it was my mistake too to put high expectation on that hospital.
Anyway, after meeting 3 specialist including a radiologist, Zara has been diagnosed with reflux. I mean, almost all babies have reflux and it will disappear as they grow up. Alhamdulillah she is totally normal.  I totally get now why mothers would go extra miles for their babies. Watching your baby cries in pain is the worst thing ever and like my mom told me, 'haaa tu la baru tahu perasaan mak-mak ni.'   -.-' 

Labour story

9/2/2016 

I was 40 weeks 4 days. Got not signs of labour at all. It was CNY holiday and we spent the whole day at home, eating. 

"I made up my mind. I want to be induced tomorrow!" 

"Okay."

"But i heard it is more painful than the natural one." 

"Then, we'll wait." 

"No. Let's have our baby tomorrow." 

The idea of me having an induced labour had been a controversial topic between our family members. My mom tried to convince me to wait for the natural call since she, as usual, against anything artificial. Some of my friends even gave their  'advice' by suggesting that I should go for c-section because they thought I'm too small for a normal labour! I know, right! Almost unfriend these negative people. Anyway, when it comes to this kind of matter, based on my recent experience, you dont need to consult the whole village. Just do whatever you think that is the best for you and your baby. There are only two person that you should listen to, your husband and your obgyn. 

10/2/2016 

2:30 am 

Started to have regular contractions but the pain was still bearable. I started recording the time interval between contractions and how long each contraction last using the app that I downloaded in my still functioning 4s. After awhile the app asked me to go to hospital since the contraction became very close. Still not panic since the water was still intact and no blood yet. 

5:30 am 

Still could not sleep because the contractions were getting stronger. I told my husband and asked him to get ready.

7:40 am 

Still had appetite to eat my husband's tasty nasi goreng. He put lots of chillies because that is how I like my nasi goreng.  

8:00 am 

Put all the necessary stuff including my fav maternity pillow in the car and we headed to Columbia Hospital, Puchong. Why did I choose this hospital? Later I'll tell in different post, ok ? 

8:30 am 

Arrived at their A&E and was brought straight to labour room. CTG was on and they told me I was having quite strong contractions. Pheww this time was the real one. Not Braxton Hicks anymore. I was happy for awhile because I thought I can deliver naturally. No need to be induced. 

9:00 am

My obgyn came and did VE. Nobody warned me 'the exam' is painful! The doctor told me it was only 1cm. In my mind it was already 5-6cm. She told us that I need to be induced or else it is going to take another 2-3 days. It was more heartbreaking to hear that than knowing my ex was cheating with another girl. So without any hesitation, my husband just said yes. I was like dude, she is gonna put something up into my vjj ok not yours! Slow down but in 2 secs all I heard, ok prostin done. Oh well.

9:30 am 

I started to feel the effect of prostin. God, it was sooo painful. The contractions were so close to each other and man, they were strong. In the middle of the battle a nice lady came in and asked

"Madam, do you want chicken with mashed potato or fish with lemon grass soup for your lunch?" 

Seriously? I was in the middle of sakit beranak you asked me about food? Of course I said chicken. Heh. 

10:40 am 

2 midwives came to give me enema and suddenly I had the urge to pass motion. Then, they let me did it naturally. At least that one was natural, my husband told me. -.-' 

After that, I was in agony. Me vs contractions. 

11:40

The two nurses came in again and this time they did VE. I told them not to do the exam just because it's bloody painful. Both of them were telling me to go for csection if I could not stand the pain. Argh. I said, I'll wait for my doctor to do it. I could not remember but one of them did it eventually and told me that I was still 1cm dilated. I was crying like a baby because it was so painful I expected it to be dilated to 4cm at least. And again they told me to go for csection because they thought my pain treshold was very low and plus, they thought my progress was a bit slow. Well, diorang tak pernah beranak so tak tahu sakit beranak macam mana.My doctor never asked me to go for csection. Since I was not in my right mind because of the pain, I told my husband I want Csection. My husband asked me to ignore that thought but hey, no uterus no talking ok, mister. Then he asked the nurse to give me painkiller. The only option we had that time was pethidine. One shot was given. It did not really work for me! I still felt the pain as much as I did before the shot. I was begging my husband for csection until I dozed off and my husband left me for Dhuha prayer. 

12:30 pm

The doctor came and did the VE and again I cried like a baby. She said it was already 4cm! The nurses were wrong! Cepat je bukak. 4cm, the number I was waiting for. You are only allowed to have epidural once your cervix dilates to 4cm. I told my doctor I wanted epidural and she said yes straight away since I was already shivering in pain. 

2:30 pm 

The anaes came. The moment she stepped in I swear I saw an angel wearing scrub. She was my guardian angel since she had the happy drug. People keep saying to avoid epidural but believe me girlfriends, you know your own body. I admit I'm not good dealing with pain. For me, taking epidural was the right decision. After that, I was no longer in agony. I could read Quran and listened to my husband's jokes and laughed (not punching his face) again. 

5:30 pm 

The doctor came to do VE and this time I did not cry. Thanks to my bestfriend, happydural. She said my cervix was already dilated 7cm. It was quick. She expected me to deliver the baby around 7 to 8pm. I then continued chatting with two friendly midwives (not the one who asked me to go for csection) and read Quran. I felt so calm. 

6:30 pm

The midwives told me they will empty my bladder. I was like yeah, just do whatever you need to do, I dont feel anything down there. Then, one of the did VE and told me I was already 9cm. My husband was not around that time and I started to get panic until the midwife told me to keep calm and teach me the breathing technique. 

7:00 pm

The doctor came in and asked me one question, 

"Are you ready to push?" 

I said yes but in my mind, wait, what to push? I did not feel anything. I was on epidural, remember? One disadvantage, you dont know what and when to push if you are on epidural. I kept pushing until my body was shivering. I told them I needed sugar since my hands were shaking like crazy but then it was not because I was hypoglycaemic. It was due to the great pain and stress on my body. The pain that I could not feel. Ya, sakit beranak tu 1/3 daripada mati. Be nice to your mother! 

7:39

Suddenly, baby's heart beat dropped. I cried and my doctor decided to use vacuum. Masa tu dah redha asal anak selamat je. I did not think the pain I have to go through once the epidural effect gone. 

7:41 pm 

We heard our baby's cry. The most beautiful sound in the world (that time but not now, Zara). The doctor put her on my  chest for skin to skin time. My husband cried a bucket. Then, they took her away from us for as the paed's team needed to check on her breathing. They told us not to worry but obviously I was super worried. 

7:50pm 

My obgyn started doing her 'artwork' on my wohoaha. Assisted vaginal delivery did the whole lot of damage downthere. Again, be nice to mommy, Zara. Up to this very moment, as Im writing this, I'm still traumatized with my first labour experience. 4 children? One is enough la, sayang eh? 

9:00 pm

I could feel my left leg but not my right leg. My baby was still in nursery. We were waiting for her in the room and I started crying again. Risau wehhhh! Then the nurse came in, 

"Madam, your baby is here. She is so hungry." 

She was so adorable with her pink receiving blanket and I was told her weight was 3.46kg! The nurse looked ay me and said

"I did not expect her mom is this small."

Alhamdulillah. At least it was a normal delivery eventhough we underestimated her weight. Hahaha

This was the first photo her daddy took. Fresh from the oven! 

After I fed her for the first time. She has a very good sucking reflex even her paediatrician was very surprised. 

Her first bath at home. She loves water so much. Bath time with her Tokmi is her favourite.

Everyone told us she has thick and black hairs. Asyik kena gomol dengan daddy je.

You are a very classy sleeper, Zara.

We decided to shave her head, I mean our parents told us to. T_T My baby girl dah botak.

At first, everyone thought she has chubby cheeks and sepet eyes after her daddy. Semua tertipu. She got my mom's hazel eyes. Haha and they were not sepet ok!  Oh she is still all the way daddy's girl. So manja with her daddy.

That was my labour experience. Painful but it was a beautiful pain. 

Dear Zara Sofea, 

If one day you read this, I want you to know it was very painful to bring you into this world. So, please buy me all those nice Chanel shoes and handbags. I'm kidding. We love you soooo much. Regardless what people say about me having you at the start of my career, I still think having you in my life right now is the best decision I ever made. We might be clueless as new parents but we will do anything to ensure you will grow up as a great person. Listen to mommy ok?! 

Ps: excuse any spelling errors since I write this while breastfeeding Zara Sofea. Argh breast feeding, that is another tragic story. Till then! 

She is finally here!

Alhamdulillah after 40 weeks and 5 days, my 'well-baked' baby (that is the term my obgyn use for overdue baby) is finally here. No words can describe my mixed feelings despite of the bloody (literally) painful labour I had. Luckily, we have 'happydural'. God bless whoever created this genius pain blocking method. I salute you, sir or madam(?)! I want to write my labour story here for my own reference jugak but Baby Z is so clingy now. I should get her now before she starts to scream. Thanks for all the dua and wishes (you know who you are)! I'll write my labour story later, S. Dont worry. 

Still huge

39 weeks now and no signs of labour yet. Well, I did get Braxton Hicks but that was it. My mom and my sister had their first baby at 38 weeks. So, I was hoping to have my first baby last week and coincidentally, I had strong contractions every 10-15 minutes last week. I asked my husband to get ready to come back from his office that day. The contractions were so strong to one point I thought it must be 4-5 cm already. Wishful thinking. -.-' After a while, they were gone just like that. No more contractions. Yilek! I told my husband to just stay calm at his office doing whatever engineering stuff he had to do. Luckily we had appointment with our beloved obgyn that night (yes, our obygn does antenatal check up at night too!). My obygn said it can be anytime now but it was still false contractions. I cannot imagine how painful the real one is gonna be. *cry* Dear baby ZS, if you are reading this one day, you better be good to mommy!

I'm basically a ticking bomb. A slow one, I guess. I really hope BabyZS is ready to come out now since her weight was 2.9kg last week (I guess it is 3kg by now). 

People say walking is good to ease labour, hence the picture above. Our neighbourhood has a very nice jogging route and outdoor gym, I would say. So, I decided to go for walking for almost 2km with my husband. If that does not make my baby want to come out yet, I don't know what else should I do ( oh dont tell me to eat spicy food. I eat cili api as ulam). 

If you are ready Baby ZS, please come out. Mommy and Daddy can't wait to see you.

Connection

It was 4 am and I could not bring myself to sleep. It was not because of pregnancy insomnia this time. I was very tired since I cooked one whole chicken, making rissoles from scratch and cleaned my whole house. I purposely tried to make myself tired during the day so that I could have a better sleep at night. Plus it is recommended to be active at this stage to ease labour. There were no reasons to not fall asleep that night. I looked at my husband who was sleeping next to me comfortably and soundly without a baby twirling and kicking in his tummy. How could you sleep while I even out of my breath if I lay down on my back. If I sleep on my right or left, my baby will start twirling and kicking so hard. Then, it hit me. The reason why I could not sleep this past few weeks because I'm worried. I'm worried  that my baby is not comfortable with my sleep position or I'm just afraid I will somehow crush her, I dont know. I mean it is not medically possible because the amniotic fluid won't allow me to crush her and her still soft bones make her very flexible at this stage. But may be my pregnancy hormone or maternal instinct that somehow makes me think the worst things. I dont get this feeling during my first or second trimester and to be honest, at first,  I didn't feel any connection at all with my sweet baby. It is not that we don't plan to have her (believe me, we want this baby more than anything else in this world), but I just could not bond with her during the first 5 months of my pregnancy. I read many articles how to bond with your bump but I still felt nothing. Then, I talked to my sister-in-law whom I'm very closed with (God bless her, I love her so much) and of course, my mother too. They made me feel normal because they also had the same problem during their first pregnancy. Alhamdulillah after practising what they shared with me I feel very connected to my baby (I'll try to write about this in another post because I know some of my friends also have the same problem). As my pregnancy progress, I started to understand what people mean by maternal instinct. Plus, my baby now can reacts to external stimuli, it makes our bonding time becomes more fun. I talk, sing and read to her. I really enjoy the bond we have but sometimes, I wish to have just one or two nights in a week when I can sleep peacefully.
After trying all sorts of position to sleep that night, I finally melted down and cried like a baby. I didn't want to wake my husband since he has been working hard lately and he needed his rest. I went to the room next to ours as we turned it to the nursery room.  When I looked at the clean white baby cot that my husband assembled, the changing table, the toys we bought for our baby and all her tiny clothes that look so cute, I cried again. This time I cried because I feel bad thinking that I will not be a good mother because I asked for a good sleep. I feel so guilty and ungrateful for wishing my baby to stop kicking at night just because I wanted my good sleep. I don't know if this is just my crazy roller coster pregnancy hormones but I'm very sure the journey to be a mother is not easy  It is not only you have to endure the physical pain but also emotionally. I'm learning step by step now. I love my mother more than ever now and I'm getting to understand her more and more. All mothers just want the best for their children and sacrifice is the key.

Cooking

I'm a type of person selagi boleh masak kat rumah, I masak. Luckily, my husband loves home-cooked food (or he is obligated to love my food) and it is very easy to feed this one. I'm very particular what food i put into my mouth and my husband's. I'm becoming more and more like my mother (she is everything about healthy and organic food). I remembered the first time I went groceries shopping with my husband after we got married. He load up our trolley with so many junk food and frozen food which they will never and ever be in my groceries list. The way I was brought up in my family, groceries mean REAL FOOD. Veggies, eggs, salad, rice, olive oil, fruits and more fruits. Our snacks are fruits. I told my husband I want real food and all those junk food, carbonated drinks, 3 in 1, chocolates, potato chips are not allowed in my kitchen. No wonder why some people complain our food's prices are expensive. If you just choose to buy real food only, you can really make a difference about your groceries budget, I tell you. 

Slowly, my husband can adapt to how I prepare our food to one point it annoys me sometimes when he ask, only protein today? Where are my veggies? -.-'  He even starts to eat fruit for snack and searching for fruits in the fridge after we eat our mean meal. No more potato chips while watching Modern Family. Pheww. 

Anyway, my due date is approaching and then im gonna start to work soon. I'm afraid that I'm not going to have time to prepare food for my husband. I'm right now starting to make a list on what to cook and planning to cook for one week stock snd just put them in our freezer. When he wants to eat, he just need to heat up the food. We don't own a microwave, by the way (just another way to avoid eating fast or ready made food but now I'm thinking to get one just to make my life easier). Oh yeah, I'll go to that level just to make sure my family will eat good food that I cook. I've talked to many of mommydoctors or wifeydoctors who are still able to cook for their family despite of having crazy schedule at work. All of them said the same thing, time management. If they can do that, I can too, right? 

Ps: I watched Bajrangi Bhaijaan last night. I'm not a Bollywood fan, I dont ever  finished watching Khabi Khushi Khabi Gam, to be honest. This movie is different. Not clichè at all. It puts Dilwale straight into the drain. Sorry to all Dilwale's fans here, I think there is nothing special about the movie. I watched Dilwale with my husband for only 10 minutes and both of us went 'eeuwwww' and decided that movie is not for us (their songs are catchy, though).

Just random photos of home-cooked food

Nasi lemak. Not so healthy this one but I  used less santan to prepare the rice.

Roast chicken with bread stuffing. Do not need to eat with the rice as bread will serve as carb.

Butterhead is my favourite. Butterhead salad with pomegranate.

Jacket potatoes with carrot and cheese.

Peri-peri chicken and grilled beef with air-fried homemade spicy potatoe wedges.

(Air fryer is my fav kitchen gadget so far. It makes my life easier and healthier) 

Butter chicken.

Portugese grilled fish. 

BBQ night, baby shower and nephews

Last week we hosted a new year barbecue party/baby shower/family gathering at our place. It is very hard to get my siblings to be under one roof since everyone is busy working or studying. So, we chose 1st January to gather since it is a public holiday and since I'm very pregnant and tired all the times, we decided to do it at our place. It was more like potluck where I prepared the chicken and others brought prawns, fish, baked potatoes (apparently my brother is sooo good in making baked potatoes with cheese and whatever cream he stuffed inside) etc. While all the guys were busy barbecue-ing outside, we, the girls were busy talking about labor stories. Both of my sister and sisters-in-law are gifts from God. Seriously, I don't get why some people can be so mean to their sisters-in-law. I got so many presents like baby clothes from my sister-in-law and my sister even gave me a full set of breast pump which to be honest, the 'scariest' thing for me and my husband to buy. We don't know which one is good and only God knows how many types of breast pumps there are. Plus, it is very expensive! Getting a full set of good brand breast pump is really a GIFT. While we were busy talking about baby stuff, my 4 year-old nephew came to me and ask, 

"What is inside your belly, Aunty Billa?"

"A baby."

He looked at me without saying anything as if I was lying to him. Then, he continued watching Minions movie on my laptop. A few minutes after that, he came to my sister-in-law and asked,

"Mommy, what is inside Aunty Billa's tummy?"

"A baby girl."

"Did she eat it?"

"No."

"But you said not all fat people have baby inside their tummy."

Just because his mommy used to tell him that it's rude to go and rub random people's tummy(he used to do that) because not everyone with big tummy is pregnant .

HAHAHA

Later, when he found out that I'm really pregnant and not just another fat lady, he came and talked to my baby. It was so cute. 

"Hi baby. Ni abang Iqi. Baby gigirl, abang Iqi boboy."

We only have a few girls in our family. So, when everyone in my family knows that we are expecting a girl, everyone is excited. Too excited to one point, my sister keeps texting me to know if I'm already in labour or not. -.-'

p/s: I already started to get false contraction and it hurts like crazy. Please pray for my uneventful pregnancy and easy labour. 

To my 'Superwoman' year!

If you are a kind of person who hates the new-year-last-year-throwback crap, this post is not for you. I know some people hate that because I hated that too before. Not that I'm a big fan of 'azam baru' for each year either. I still stick to my motto, we should have a new resolution each day not just on every new year. Anyway, i just browsed down my phone photo album in order to delete some of the photos. Looking back at those moments that I managed to capture with my still functioning 4s, I somehow feel 2015 was a great year for me. Alhamdulillah. Of course there were ups and downs but Allah is so great and generous.

-I managed to finish medical school! All the sleepless nights and never ending exams in medical school will always be remembered. Ireland is forsure my second home and I will definitely go back there one day.

-Had a wonderful time traveling around Europe with my halal boyfriend. Up until now, we are still talking about it. We need to move on, honey. 

-Other than making my mom and my husband proud (i hope so),

I also knew for the first time that I'm pregnant on my graduation day! What a blessed day it was. Many people asked if it is a planned pregnancy or it is an accident just because the timing could not be more perfect. Well, we are two people who love each other and want to have each other's baby. Ok that sounds very cheesy and tacky. Pardon me. Both of us believe that anak itu rezeki dan pengikat kasih sayang, so kenapa nak plan sampai 2-3 tahun. But if Allah says not yet, then no. Alhamdulillah, bak kata my MIL, we are just too 'subur'. Hahahaha! Until now, Baby Z is the best gift for us. 

-2015 was also the year when we starterd to live as a normal married couple. We moved into our very own house. Our very own little ohana. It is perfect and enough for now. 

2015, you were a great year and 2016 is going to be the beginning of my 'superwoman' year! I want to be a great wife, mother, daughter and also an excellent doctor for ummah. Inshallah. 

Ps: my first superwoman task, hosting a barbecue party tonight. -.-' 

un cafè

Made a visit to Ikea for the last time this year since we still needed to find some stuff for the nursery room. I was targeting this one particular baby changing table for ages but Ikea kinda reluctant to restock it for some reasons (I think because it's too cheap for a good furniture like that). Early this week, I checked online and there were 4 more left in Ikea Cheras. So, we went to Ikea Cheras yesterday but they said the changing table actually out of stock for so long. I was not the first person who asked for that changing table, they said. Well, you should restock them, Ikea. Anyway, we found an alternative which actually cost us less. We found a white chest of 3-drawers that can be used as a changing table as well as baby clothes storage. So, yeay! 

And of course no matter how hard you try to stick to your shopping list, you will end up buying something that was not in your Ikea shopping list. Damn it, Ikea. Why you so practical? Well, it happens to us every time we go to Ikea. When I said us, I mean my husband. He always has something to buy for the garden la, his DIY stuff la,  for his bathroom la (we used different bathroom since I want it to be a dry bathroom and he does not like the idea of having a dry toilet.) This time we passed through outdoor and garden section and he suddenly disappeared.   Then I saw him looking at an outdoor table or garden table or whatever they call it.  

"Sayang you go first. I want to take a bigger trolley. I want to buy this table for our garden."

It was not in our list. I gave him a very specific list and budget. By the way, when he said garden, it means just some grasses and a couple of trees which I'm very pretty sure their leaves should be green not yellowish like that. -.-' 

So, he bought it anyway and now it is inside of our house and becomes our cafe corner. We call it hipsturrr-tepi-tangga cafe, sistur!

Mi Casa and Mama

2015 are all about finishing medical school and having my own little ohana at our own casa. My husband loves to call me 'madam of the house'. I hate that at first but being a 'madam of the house' I get to decorate my living room, design my own kitchen and decide what to cook for dinner. What not to love (well...my husband probably doesn't love this as much as I do since he has to pay for everything heh). Luckily, both of us kinda have similar taste when it comes to interior design. We love minimalist , clean white- Ikea style. To be honest, white is effortlessly pretty for me as I'm terrible at colour-matching my furnitures. Plus, off white makes any small space look spacious, bright and elegant. My mom warned me before that white furniture can ruin my mood very easily as I hate stains. Yes, I do, sadly. There was one time I could not sleep because I noticed a small stain on my white dining chair and my husband reminded me that there will be more stains as we are gonna have a kid soon. Not helping at all -.-'

My friend came to visit me and asked me to give the code name of my couch, the dining table and everything because she wanted to make her living room like mine until I told her how many times I have to wash my cushion cover and clean my dining table and not to mention, my white kitchen cabinet. The struggle is real, woman! She then decided to go for more earthy colour. But, seriously, I rather clean my house than living in gloomy, dark house and everything is not colour-matched. For people who does not afford a professional interior designer and expensive furniture like me, white is the best choice. As for today, after cleaning what need to be cleaned, I light up my candle, sitting on my couch while listening to classic music and read a book. I got my 'white' dose. Don't mind what people say about having white furnitures because it calms me down.

Anyway, my mom was discharged from hospital 2 days ago. Alhamdulillah. We talked on the phone for two hours this morning. She told her experience being warded for one week. My mom was diagnosed with recurrent UTI after 3 days of having high grade fever. She thought it was nothing because she believed it was just 'demam urat'. -.-'. I asked her so many times to go to any clinics as she had a history of UTI before with the same presentation. After 3 days, she was brought straight to A&E and got admitted straight away because she needed IV antibiotics. She was in the ward for 5 days to finish the antibiotics dose and interestingly, she made a lot of friends including doctors, medical student and even radiologist! Over-friendly this one. She said she got all of her doctors' phone numbers and I asked why, and she said it's a secret. My mommy got so many agendas. She also said she is now friends with the radiologist. I asked why she wants to be friend with a radiologist and her answer was, 'manalah tahu nanti nak scan ke MRI bila-bila senang.' I mean... we don't do CT scan and MRI for nothing especially in government hospital. HAHAHA.. as long as she is happy. But really, my mom can make friends wherever she goes. It makes me wonder if it is something in our genes because I'm pretty sure I missed the genes.

Everglow

when I'm cold, cold..

oh when I'm cold cold...

there is a light that you give me when i'm in shadow

there's a feeling you give me, everglow...

p/s: My mom is warded in the hospital right now.. I would really appreciate if you, good souls, spare a moment or two to pray for her speedy recovery. Thank you...

House Officer

My friend asked me to update about the process to apply for House Officer position here in Malaysia especially for those who graduated from Ireland and UK ( the process is different if you graduate from medical school in Malaysia or India or Indonesia or Mesir etc). To be honest, it is easier for you to know what documents and where to go earlier just to avoid confusion later on ( based on my personal experience).


1. MMC

As soon as you graduate, you need to start thinking what documents do you need because it is easier to apply all of that when you are still in Ireland especially when you need to apply for nombor pendaftaran sementara from MMC ( Malaysian Medical Council and it is different from KKM). So the boring part about applying this is to prepare all documents and all the copies need to be certified. One important thing about Irish University graduands, make sure you name on your degree certificate is similar with the one on you IC. For example in my case, my uni did not write 'binti' before my dad's name or in my friend's case they spelt her name wrong or they put your dad's name as your first name. So, you need to get 'Surat Akuan Sumpah' to prove that you are in fact the person as stated in that cert. Get it, get it? I know...it is such a hassle. I did mine at Istana Kehakiman Putrajaya and  it costs RM 5 for that letter. To avoid this, just ask your uni to spell your full name correctly with binti/bin/ anak perempuan/ anak lelaki as stated on your IC. So, the documents are :

• Provisional Registration form and Fitness to Practise declaration form which can be download from MMC website.

• 2 passport sized photos
• 1 certified copy of Basic Medical Degree
• 1 certified copy of academic transcript encompassing the results of whole training period ( some universities do no provide this unless you ask them to. So, make sure you ask for this BEFORE you board the plane to come back for good)
• 1 certified copy of IC
• 1 certified copy of birth certificate
• 1 certified copy of SPM certificate
• RM20 processing fee by money/postal order payable to “The Registrar Medical Practitioner”
• Surat Akuan Sumpah (if you need one)

MMC is a bit fussy when it comes to completeness of all the documents. Just make sure you prepare all the documents correctly and certified by the right person so that you don't need to go their office more than once. For those who live outside KL or Selangor, you can just post all the documents to their office but make sure you call them in case they do not receive any of your documents. If they found your documents are not complete, you will not be getting your nombor pendaftaran sementara and you can't proceed the next step to get the job! By the way, it takes 5 working days for them to give you the MMC number and the cert. I know..right? This gives you another reason why you should make sure you get the documents right before going all the way to their office, ok?  You either can collect the cert at their office or you can ask them to post it to you if you live outside KL/Selangor and again, remind them to do so!

2. SPA

You need to fill in SPA8i online form on SPA website. You can either after do it before or after or while waiting for you MMC no. I did before I applied for MMC no and I forgot to update my MMC no on this online form until one of the SPA officers called me to update it. So, just make sure you update your MMC no once you get it. Easy peasy this one.

3. KKM

You need to fill a form from KKM which I honestly do not remember the name of the form. Sorry for my pregnancy brain. You can download it from KKM website or some of my friends said you can just go to KKM office in Putrajaya and fill the form there but remember to bring all the documents that they ask you to. Yes, doctors, another set of documents. I actually just emailed them. If you choose to email them, you need to scan all the documents and the form as well ( as it needs your passport photo on it)  and send them in PDF format. The documents needed are :

• 1 certified copy of IC
• 1 certified copy of SPM certificate
• 1 certified copy of degree certificate
• 1 certified copy of temporary registration certificate (the one you apply from MMC)
• 1 certified copy of marriage certificate if you are married ( high five!)
• 1 certified copy of resignation letter for those who had previously resigned from KKM

4. SPA again

Once you get your MMC number and fill in the SPA8i form, you have to call SPA to in a way, book your interview date. Anddddddd to be honest, the queue is super duper long and they conduct the interview every 2-3 months now. So, the faster you get everything sorted, the faster you get the interview by that I mean less than 6 months (at least). Yup that is the current situation now. I know some people who already graduated since February but until now still waiting for the call. My interviewers actually quite surprised when I said I graduated in June because apparently it usually takes longer than 6 months. 

5. SPA interview

So yeah the interview after months of waiting. They will email you all the details about your interview ie venue, time and documents that you need to bring ( yes another set of documents, my friends).  Additional to your documents, you also need to bring a resume with an ID photo. One thing about the resume, make sure it is concise and not too long. One page is enough and only include the most recent one related to medicine. No need to mention you were AJK kebersihan kelas masa darjah 5. Seriously some people do that -.-'. Common sense, people. Don't forget to bring the original copies of all the documents. I even brought my scroll because of my certificate's size is too big. Seriously, I felt people were judging me when they saw me walked into the waiting room with my red, big scroll. I had no choice.

My personal experience with the interview, both of my interviewers love my resume because it is neat. I'm honestly not sure what they are talking about but thanks to my husband who did last minute editing on my resume. Some people said, the resume is not that important because their interviewers just look at it once and no further question. Well, it was different with mine, they, in fact, asked me if I have extra copies of my resume since there are two of them. Thankfully, I brought 3 copies. Both of them asked about the research that I listed in the resume. We talked about it for 5 minutes. They also asked about relief mission that I joined. Before they proceeded to ask me medical questions, one of them actually said, I love your resume and he just looked at my resume without asking any questions until the session ended. I guess, try to prepare a good and neat-looking resume and don't take it too easy about it. Who knows, you will get my interviewers. Regarding the medical questions, one of the interviewers asked me about dengue. She gave me a clinical scenario in A&E. A 34 year old lady came to A&E  with 3 day history of high grade fever. She asked me how to manage this patient. For every step of management, I just include the reason why ( habit daripada medical school). Then she said, I want to ask you the differential diagnosis but you kinda answered it. So, she jumped to pathogenesis of dengue fever and management of shock. And that was it. It was only 15 minutes including the introduction and question from my resume. Alhamdulillah it went well ( I guess?). 

Some of the questions that my friends got :

• name of our health minister
• name of DG
• Vape issue
• bukti ilmu perubatan in Quran or something like that ( the interviewers did ask him to recite certain surah too!)
• Budget 2016
• Wawasan 2020
• 7R's regarding prescribing
• Dengue
• Typoid
• MI
• Neonatal jaundice
• Management of asthma
• Diabetes
• Antenatal care in Ireland vs Malaysia 
• Management of pre-eclampsia
• Management of gestational diabetes
• Breech pregnancy
• Acute abdominal pain

These are topics that my friends got. It all depends on your interviewers anyway. Most important thing is just be prepared because you want to show them that you are a safe doctor.

That's it. I hope you find it useful and if anyone wants to add on something just leave your comments. Sharing is caring. Good luck applying for those who just started to apply and happy waiting for the placement for those who already done with the interview including yours truly. -.-'

Joyeux anniversaire et enceinte

So yeah I just turned twenty-five. I mean 4 days ago. Turning twenty-five is a pretty big thing for me since I kinda have a list of things that I should achieve by 25, not 20 or 24 but 25. My mom says being 25 is about being a good person. Dah suku abad. It is time to get really serious with your life, you should know what you want and you don't want. 

It seems like only yesterday when I blew candles on my 20th birthday cake in Dublin which was also my first snowy birthday. Now, I'm 25 and very pregnant! Alhamdulillah, I think I managed to achieve most of my life missions that I should unlock by I'm twenty-five. I could not be happier than now. You know how people say another year older, another year wiser? I totally get it now. Now that I'm 25, I finally realise so many things like how to choose friends wisely and just keep in mind that it is not possible to keep them all and that is totally fine. I also realise how my parents are actually much much cooler than they were when I was 17. I can't be more closer to my mom than now, to be honest. Another important thing that I clearly understand by heart now is, Allah's plan is definitely the best plan for you. I'm a 'planner person'. I plan everything, from A to Z. I have all the list what I should achieve today, tomorrow or even by I'm 30. I  used to get really upset and frustrated if someone or something ruins my plan but I learn along the way that nothing is more superior than God's plan. If you think your life now is not what you imagine it should be, fret not my friends, something super great is waiting for you. Trust me on this.

Anyway, put the serious talk aside, my sweet husband set a treasure hunt for me for my 25th birthday. I did not expect it at all since he seems pretty hopeless when it comes to lovey dovey things.

So, early this year, I told him I want something that  I can match with my favourite handbag. When I said that, I meant a handbag should be matched with a pair of shoes. It was only one time thing and as I thought men do not notice small things (because their brains are engineered to see big and obvious things only),  I assumed he already forgot about that and I did not expect him to remember pun. Surprisingly, he stored that information somewhere in his manly brain and perceived that a  handbag needs a watch and in order to match them, they should come from the same brand. Men's brains can be that complicated, you guys! HAHAHA! You should see his face when I told him it could be just a pair of shoes to match with the handbag. Oh well, you cannot take it back. I guess I will not be getting any birthday presents from him for the next 5 years. heh. 

I somehow love how my man thinks.

He has been extra sweet this year, maybe because I'm carrying his baby. Other than a treasure hunt, he also planned a candlelight dinner after asking me where he should bring me for that. -.-' 

So, he chose to bring me to Floral Kafe in Ampang. It is a quite romantic and pretty place to eat dinner with your loved one. The food is surprisingly good. Their signature menus are traditional Johor food. If you are up for western food, for me this is not the place.

Many people come here to celebrate their partner's bithday, hence, all the balloons.

I'm 25 and very pregnant.

The next day, we went to shop for our baby. I never knew I can be so happy in a Mothercare store. They got end-year sale and I went a bit crazy. My husband keeps reminding me that baby grows very fast and we don't need too many newborn cloths. Now, everything is ready. We only need to get a few more things done and the baby can come out. heee.

Pray for my uneventful pregnancy and labour.

Light writing 7 - Vienna, the musical city.

So I finished my interview last week and Alhamdulillah it went well. They asked me about dengue from its pathogenesis to shock management (including the dose of fluid at different stages). KKM takes dengue fever very seriously (it kills thousands of people in Malaysia each year). I shall write in another post about the process to apply for HO position in Malaysia especially for those who are studying in Ireland or Uk. Better to know all the process earlier to avoid headache later on. Plus, sharing is caring, no?

Anyway, where were we? Yeah after Prague, we went to Vienna by train. The journey took 3 hours from Prague to Vienna. That was my second time in Vienna. I went there alone in 2013 during my spring break. So, I did not expect much. We arrived at Vienna main station around 12 pm and we took another train to our hotel. 

After checking in, the first place we went was Die Wiener Deewan restaurant. It is an halal restaurant and what really interesting about this place is, you can eat as much as you want and pay as much as you want too! For those who watch 99 Cahaya di Langit Eropah ( it is an Indonesian movie), you should know this restaurant. My friend, Raja, who is studying in Prague told me to go to eat here. The food is good as they served lamb briyani ( my fav briyani) and like I said the price is totally up to you but come on they do this for charity so don't be so cheapskate, ok? We went there twice. haha! In case, you are planning to go to Vienna and want to eat halal Pakistani food ( and love cheap lamb briyani), the nearest metro station is U2 Schottentor.  No need to find McD and eat their oily fish burger and fries.

muka high sebab kenyang

After that, we went to Maria-Theresian-Platz. It is basically a public square that has two museums, facing each other. Since I had been to both of the museums when I visited Vienna for the first time and my husband is not really a museum freak like me ( call me nerd but I loooove museums), so we decided to just chill out, taking pictures at the square.

This is the The Rathaus or Vienna City Hall. I think it is the most beautiful building in Vienna with Neo-Gothic style. Can you appreciate that? We did not go in but I heard its interior design is  very pretty.

This is Hofburg Palace. You can actually just walk from Maria-Theresian-Platz to here. I mean you just have to cross the road. It used to be royal winter residence and now it becomes museums.

One does not simply go to Vienna without enjoying at least one Austrian classic orchestra concert. I love classic musics. It all started when I stop listening to my mp3. I used to listen to all sort of songs almost all the times like when I cook, study, mandi, jogging, walking, on the bus. One day, I realised whenever I tried to concentrate doing serious stuff, my mind keeps playing the songs and even worse during solat as well. I feel so guilty and my housemate suggested me to listen to piano or classics orchestra instead of listen to anything with lyrics. Since then, I did not touch my mp3 and deleted all the songs in my iPhone. Alhamdulillah I can focus when I really need to focus and bila solat pun dah tak tengiang-ngiang lagu Coldplay. Itu yang penting. heh. Anyway, my husband decided to buy us tickets to an orchestra concert because he started to notice my growing interest into orchestra-ish music (his words). 

I cannot just stare at this random pakcik without taking his picture.heh.

Before the concert, we decided to go to a quite famous cafe here. Very classy and pretty cafe called Griensteidl Cafe which was opened since 1847. Due to its location and history many artists and musicians used to come here to enjoy their coffee. 

Oh see that couple? They were discussing about metaphysics theory and the existence of God. Meanwhile we were sitting there just look around and had a conversation like 'oh this tea is quite good. How's your coffee, honey? You need more sugar? Hmm.. the scones look good too, no?' Felt so 'smart'. -.-'

The 2-hour concert was amazing and worth every single euro. Since the concert, my husband seems to love orchestra too! After that, we went back to our hotel. It was already 10 pm. The Vienna city at night is quite pretty. At first, we planned to just walk to our hotel because we were still moved by the orchestra music and the atmosphere was pretty romantic you know, with pretty lights, classic musics and surrounded with beautiful buildings but suddenly the love-is-in-the-air moment was ruined by heavy rain. Then, being squeezed between tall and huge Austrians in metro seemed like the best idea to go back to our hotel.

The next day, we went to Schonbrunn Palace. Just like many other palace in Europe you are not allowed to take pictures. The ticket to go in is pretty expensive for me. We bought the ticket to visit half of the palace only. If you are willing to pay more then, you can visit the whole palace and their maze which I heard they are pretty cool too.

Then, we went to Salzburg by train. The most comfortable and cheapest train throughout our Europe trip . It only costs 15 euro, free wifi on the train and no need to pay extra to reserve the seat and very bery comfortable. We just bought the tickets at the counter. Easy peasy.