Saturday, November 16, 2013


I have a funny story, well, not that funny that you can laugh hahaha! but ah you know. So, one day my friend randomly told me that she would love to trade her life with my life. I found it funny because she thought my life was so much better than hers (obviously she has not seen me walking absentmindedly in the hospital yet) and I thought her life was perfect. We laugh after telling each other how imperfect our lives are. I told her how I cry every morning to get out of my bed and how I feel stupid everyday when I don't know how to answer simple questions from consultants. She told me how she has to fight with her French neighbour everyday and how tiring it is to always look fashionable everyday ( she works in fashion industry which I thought the happiest job ever!)

How we perceive perfection is sometimes different from what other people would perceive. We don't have an answer scheme how a perfect person or life should be. This makes most of us try so hard to achieve our own version of 'perfection' and up to one point we would end up at the other end of spectrum, 'out of norm'. We become so obsessed with other people's perfect life and start comparing with our lives. As cliche as it sounds, life is not perfect and you can't expect people to be perfect for you. We should stop chasing a perfect life but try to see the beauty of imperfections. Allah is so merciful, you might be lack of certain things but He gives you more on other things.

Oh well, be grateful and have a nice weekend.

Thursday, November 7, 2013


"Nothing in this world will lasts forever, neither your pain, Aisyah. Alway be the bigger person. Always be the wiser person."

Excuse my cracked lips. 

Happy birthday, babe! 
I'm still using your duvet here in Dublin, fyi. See, I love you that much.

"No matter how badly people treat you, never drop down to their level. Forgiveness is always the key to move on."

"Always, always, always be positive, Aisyah. Always!"

Happy birthday, Nadira!
I'm a tea person now because of you.

Saturday, November 2, 2013

When sorry is not good enough.

I still remember when I was 7 years old, I pushed my little brother from his bike. He fell and cried for 10 years. I mean he cried for a quite long time. My mom asked me to say sorry to him. I did say sorry but I didn't mean it at all. He deserved it because he took my  favourite story book and put it in the toilet bowl.
As an adult, we can't just simply say sorry, you have to mean it. In hospital 'sorry' is not a good word. It can be 'Sorry you are dying and nothing we can do' or 'Sorry, this is going to be a bit painful but just bare with me for a second.'

I met a patient in antenatal ward ( ward for pregnant mothers) last two week. She looked so happy and excited. I asked her if I can examine her abdomen and as I expected she was more than willing to cooperate with me. 

"Can you feel my baby?"
"Yes. His back on your left side."
"Oh really?" 
"Are you excited?"

She smiled.

"My baby was diagnosed with Edward syndrome. I wish he can stay longer in my womb."

I stopped palpating her abdomen.

"I'm so sorry."

I blamed myself for not taking her history first. I should not just go and feel her distended abdomen just because i want to practise for my exam. 'I'm sorry' here might not be enough when you know half of babies with that condition do not survive beyond one week of life.

Sometimes, sorry is not good enough but you have to mean it.