Monday, October 29, 2012

I hope this is not too late.

I've been so busy lately and I forgot to wish 'Happy Birthday. You are old already!' to so many people. So many October babies. We had our Eid Mubarak last three days and that is another reason why I forgot so many people's birthday ( takde kena mengena pun rasanya. puii).

So yeah, we celebrated Eid Mubarak last Friday. Being in a non-Muslim country, we can't expect a special holiday to celebrate raya haji but being in a med school that has more than 15% students who celebrate Eid Mubarak, we actually got one day off. Awesome. Our lectures on Friday were cancelled ( kalau tak cancel pun , memang tak pergi pun. heh) and..and.. and today is Ireland's public holiday.So, we have 4 days off! Yeay (with no exclamation mark because I still have to study. -.-' They are not going to cancel the exams, you know).

This is my third time celebrating raya korban away from my family. For some people raya korban is just another day. Well, it doesn't work that way for me. When it comes to raya, all I need is family or at least, familiarity(and of course, good food). Having Nadira who came all the way from Cork to Dublin made my raya korban more meaningful. I can't have my family here but having her here this year is enough for me. (She just went back to Cork this morning and sending her off to bus stop was hard for me. Ok,Nad, I know I'm a bit dramatic but really...)

firstly, solat raya.

Then, food! One thing I love about Dublin, we have Malaysian Hall here! I've learned my lesson. Jangan nak mengada sambut raya dekat tempat yang tak ada Malaysian Hall. You'll miss good food and...familiarity.

"you just don't know how to control when it comes to food. Right,Aisyah?"

this might be our last raya korban together for six of us. Syamim and Shanaz are going back to Penang for good in another 3 months. T_T

The next day, we got two invitations to open house. All of us used to be in the same class 4 years ago. 
"4 years ago.Crazy. Time flies."
"We are getting older."
"No wonder, I have back pain lately."

 And yesteday, me and my housemate decided to invite our friends to our new place.
 Since there are only 2 of us living in this house, so we decided to divide the cooking task. I cooked mee udang since baking and desserts are not my forte.I only know how to enjoy eating dessert not making them.

the most romantic couple so far. -.-'

Shanaz is one of the October babies! Happy belated birthday,dear!!

The girls.

 I left my camera for a sec, and I found this today. Sepet family!
My favorite part of this year raya, having them here. :')

p.s: ok, now, back to study and research. boooring!

Sunday, October 21, 2012

My Sunday evening in black and white

If people ask me what do I like other than medicine and travelling? I would say photography. Unluckily, I only can appreciate beautiful pictures but I can't capture one. -.-' 
I bought a new camera in Malaysia. Not a fancy one but just nice to be my travelling 'friend'. Since en. Wonderwall keeps bugging me to go out and have some fun instead of curling up in my duvet for the whole weekend, I think this is time for my 'friend' to go out too. Since today was Sunday and I've been craving for sushi since forever, I went to Yo!Sushi because they have 20 euro deal which you can eat anything on belt (pilih yang halal) as much as your nafsu want in 2 hours. It is always a good offer to me since Japanese food is always my favorite besides my mom's cook. I just ate sushi, Dorayaki, squid salad,deep fried pumpkin,seaweed salad and some vege food that I don't even know their names. 15 plates in total. See, I'm a dragon when it comes to Japanese food (even the waiter can't believe I can finish all of those food, you know.) On the way back home, I went for window shopping and snap a few pictures to test my new 'friend.' Enjoy the pictures and have a good day, guys. ^_^

this is not in black and white because the baby is too cute to be in just black and white.

p.s: Racism. The sh*t that I have to go through again this sem.

Saturday, October 20, 2012

how lonely can someone be?

...dalam kelam bersua
...kunang-kunang cahaya.
...dari kelip jadi semesta.
...jadikanku tulang rusuk yang menyempurnakan tubuhmu.
....jangan berhenti menepuk tanganku.

Selamat Ulangbulan.

...jangan berhenti menepuk tanganku...

p.s: Thank you, sayang.

Saturday, October 13, 2012

It was a normal day until...

You don't have to read thick books or meeting famous people to be inspired. Talking to a random people who sit next to you in the bus on a normal day can change your life forever. Yesterday was my another normal Friday. I finished my class at 2 p.m and headed to city right after the class to have a proper lunch with the girls. Then a friend told me to be strong . She told me a 'story'. Unforgivable,I would say. I wished no one told me.

"Hold on, Nabilah. It's Friday. " I told myself.

Then, I walked alone to a bus stand after watching Taken 2 ( which I think Taken 1 is wayyyy better than Taken 2) with the 'unforgivable' thing in my head.

How can a friend do this to a friend? In what sense it is alright to do this to your friend? If you think you don't deserves this, on what basis you think I deserve this?

Those are questions that I had in my mind on my way to the bus stand. Walking alone and thinking like my other normal days here and that very moment,I decided  not to forgive the person. Silly me.

At the bus stand,

"Do you know which bus is going to the hospital?"
"27B. I'm waiting for the bus too."

After a while,

"You are not from here?"
"No." I reluctantly answered.
"You just came back from town?"
"yes." I was carrying bananas in my hands. "and you must come from the airport?" I saw his luggage with the airport tags on it.
"yes. I just got back from Istanbul."
"Istanbul. oh, wow.haha. I'm sorry, I just watched  a movie and the setting is in Istanbul."
"yeah... they made us look bad as Muslims."
"oh, are you a Muslim?"
"Alhamdulillah, I'm a Muslim."
"Are you from here?"
"I was born here, I've been living here, I'm a pure Irish and a Muslim." He laughed.

On the bus, I sat next to him. He told me how he converted to Islam. His wife died because of bone cancer 10 years ago. A week after his wife died, his one and only son has been diagnosed with leukemia (his son is still on chemotherapy) At the same time, his business partner who was also his very own best friend cheated his money and run away. I forgot the part how he decided to go to Turkey. I'm a bit forgetful nowadays. -.-' In Istanbul, he met an Imam. They had a cup of chai somewhere in front of Blue Mosque ( his Irish accent is too thick but i think he said blue mosque,though). The Imam told him about God's existence, uluhiyyat ( he did use 'uluhiyyat' which i'm impressed because not all people know this term) and tauhid. He read Alquran and tried to understand it for months. Then he went back to Turkey to come back to his fitrah which is Islam.

"I can't stop reading Al-Quran. Every sentence gives impacts to me, you know."

Then, he stopped talking.  Being me, I always awkward when I have to start a conversation with people but I still want to know his story. heh.

"So, how about your business?
"I started a new business in last 3 years. Alhamdulillah, it's good."
"What happened to your business partner now? You didn't meet him at all after that?"
"No. Last 2 years, I met his brother and asked about him but we didn't really meet."
"Do you forgive him? He's your best friend, but he left you with your money. He was supposed to be with you when you're sad, you know?"
"Emmmm... yeah.. I forgave him long time ago. He did a mistake. Everyone did.We grew up together. He used to make me smile and teach me many things. We had our good times together. Everyone deserves a second chance. hahaha."

He laughed while kept looking at a small book in his hand which later I found out, it is a small, old English-Translated Alquran.

"How do you do that?"
"What? forgive him?"
"Yes. Like how?!" That time, I just want to know how he could forgive and forget. Forget everything! I have my own issue with this,you know.
"Well...look, young lady. Forgiving someone will give you inner peace that you can't find anywhere else. We want God to forgive our sins. Why can't we forgive another human's mistakes to us?"  He laughed.  I guessed, he just love laughing but on the second thought, he laughed because he's happy and grateful for what he has now. I can tell this because I could see he's smiling all the times and.....ah, I don't know how to explain. You guys should meet him! (Wait, what??)

We stopped talking after I missed one stop. -___-'So, I had to walk in cold for another 10 minutes to my house and then, I decided to forgive.

Like Abah always says, when you have a true intention to be  a better person or Muslim, Allah will send good people to you. The moment when I decided not to forgive someone's mistake to me, Allah brought me to this one random, old , amazing man who had more challenging life. Memaafkan orang itu susah tapi ianya semulia-mulia perbuatan. I'm not saying I'm a good person. Jauh lagi, tapi kita kena ada azam untuk menjadi orang yang lebih baik daripasa semalam,no?

Yes, we wish we can have a delete button or whatever we want to call it just to remove someone from our lives ( I always see people tweet about this -.-'.)but don't you realize without that person, you won't be you now? He/ She used to make you smile not so long ago. Then, what happened  to those good memories, laughter, smiles and hidden jokes and food that we used to share?
(and I actually miss all those things)

 I decided not to live in sadness of hatred. How about you?

p.s: Thanks for the emails about depression. You guys are another random people that inspired me too.Let's fight it together. ecewahh!

Sunday, October 7, 2012

He might let you bend but He won't let you break

Sometimes, people use 'depression' word for something small and silly. They got confused with 'sadness.'  Just 'being sad' and 'depression' are two different things, guys. Don't simply say, 'i'm depressed' ( someone suffers from depression usually denies that they have the problem). I'm telling this because I've been diagnosed with depression not so long ago and it was horrible. I lost 10 kg because of it ( menyesal gila because gaining weight is almost impossible for me because of my genes. Not good at all -.-'). I didn't realize that I had depression until my GP set me an appointment with a shrink. My life was in a mess and by just thinking about that now, my hands are shaking ( or probably it is just the caffeine effect since i  had a cup of coffee just now.heh). Trust me, no one wants to be depressed. I was too carried away with studies and other problems. I kept blaming myself for something which  were not even my fault. I put so much effort to please everyone to which at the end of the day it hurt me back. I love people too much to which at the end of the day, some people can simply hate me, anyway.
Alhamdulillah, Allah gives me a wonderful friend who saved me from those antidepressant pills. I owe her a life, I would say. She keeps reminding me to be a better muslim everyday (until now). Keeps reminding me to forgive, forget and apologize.

I'm writing this because I want to set myself free, forget about the pain and start fresh. 

If you are in a mess, check your Iman. It might be in a mess too.

p.s: tomorrow is Monday. I have lectures s from 9 a.m to 5 p.m and kinda back to back lectures. 

Monday, October 1, 2012


My class started today from 9 a.m to 5 a.m with only one hour break. Clinical year, huh? 0.o
So yeah,  I survived my very first day as 3rd year medical student. 6 lectures back to back. Too much for the first day of semester (  I know I had 4 months of summer break before this. So what?). 

So, in order to be a better student (ehem.semangat awal semester), I thought I need a good study table. I bought myself a Micke ( you know la how IKEA loves naming their furniture kan). I was so excited to assemble the desk but it turned out into a disaster. Me and screwdrives can never get along so well. We hate each other and because of that En.Wonderwall stayed up all night in Malaysia just to supervise me with the screwdriver.

Showing him the manual and then trust-me-i'm-an-engineer moment began.

"Ok, first of all, asingkan papan-papan ikut saiz."
"Oh my God, it's so heavy. I give up."

"dude, this is hard. I rather study on the floor."
"Nabilah, take the screwdriver and finish it up!"

"Are you crying??? Babe, come on, it's just a study table."
"I know but this is hard." ( cry)

After I put my the last part of the table,

"Tadaaa. See, you managed to do it la sayang!"
(he tried to cheer me up)

Then my housemate came,

"Aisyah, are sure this is a table?"


I want to put the picture of 'the table' but never mind.
 All I can say is, there's something harder to do than studying medicine. 

Allah gives me such wonderful friends besides a loving fiance ( errrr..?). They came to my house to fix the table. Arif was the 'senior engineer' while Syamim was an annoying 'supervisor' to Arif.  Lol. Ash did the bookshelf or they called it Billy.

Right after we got back from hospital.


Now, I can study and work harder

emmm..lecture notes and those thick books can wait. I need to sleep first.heh.

p.s: it would be nice if you are here. :'(